Amy wasn't ready to restart any romantic entanglement with Sarah, despite all the thinking that Sarah had done, her thoughts on the future and the end of her mentoring scheme. There was so much complexity there, and beneath it all was the knowledge still that Sarahhadused Amy like she'd used her other mentees, that as much as she liked Sarah there was that side to her that she couldn't simply expunge with a few apologies and a promise to do better.
Please. That was what had done it. Amy had never seen Sarah like that before, so vulnerable, so in need. That was why she'd ended up doing what they'd done... because Sarah had asked her for it, and in a moment of weakness Amy hadn't felt like she should say no, not out of a sense of obligation but out of a sense of care for Sarah.
Amy knew that her and Luisa were open, that strictly speaking it was fine to do what she'd done. But that morning it felt like a legalistic argument rather than the right answer, because what she was feeling for Luisa was something else... a strength of feeling she'd never had for anyone ever before.
So... she was feeling wretched, and she didn't have a clue what to do about it.
***
That morning she'd taken the coward's way out and worked from home… in no way was she ready to see Sarah, not after Amy's moment of weakness last night.
Of course, work from home presented its own challenges when you were in a house share rather than your own flat… she couldn’t just sit on her bed to work, but she couldn’t sit at the dining table downstairs without everyone else in the house able to listen in to her confidential calls. She sighed in frustration. Not for the first time she looked forward to having a place of her own again one day.
Luckily, that day only Naomi was working from home too, so Amy could just about get by sharing a dining table with her… they’d both swapped gossip about respective workplaces anyway over the years so often that it didn’t really matter.
Around ten Amy let out a deep sigh of frustration, still feeling terrible and unable to think about her work. Naomi’s head snapped up. “Right, that’s enough of you moping around like a love sick puppy. You’ve been doing that all morning.”
Amy was startled at the response. “Really?”
“Yes, really. Get your coat, I’m going to buy you a coffee and you’re going to tell me about it.”
Amy smiled weakly. “Ok…” But she wasn’t sure how Naomi could really help.
***
Thirty minutes later, coffees in hand and walking round the Common, Amy had unburdened herself on Naomi, telling her what had happened the night before, her worries, the lot.
Naomi stopped in her tracks, and Amy came to a halt too. “I’m going to tell you something that you might not want to hear, ok?” Amy nodded. “But hear me out.”
“Ok… you’ve got me worried now.”
Naomi smiled. “Everything you’ve just told me… for one of the cleverest people I know, you’re remarkably stupid sometimes.”
Amy smiled too. This wasn’t the first time Naomi had told her that, and usually what followed was direct, cut through the crap, and went a long way towards fixing the problem.
"You're in love with Luisa, right?"
Amy nodded. "Yeah."
"Good... remember that, because we could see it on Saturday, and I can promise you that she is in love with you too. The way she talks about you..." Naomi shook her head and grinned. "So, that's Luisa. Now, Sarah, you're in love with her?"
Amy shook her head. "It's more complex than that."
"Right. Because there's some behaviours there that it would be kind of hard to trust."
"Yeah. And she's married. With kids."
"But you're also determined to date people who aren't Luisa. You and Luisa have decided to be open."
Amy nodded. "Yes, I mean I think that makes sense, doesn't it?"
Naomi waggled her head from side-to-side. "Kind of... I mean, that's up to you guys. But you're open, yet you're freaking out about having slept with another woman you liked last night."
"That's right."
"Why?"
"How do you mean?"
