Luisa, after a little time to recover, pushed Gabriela on to her back and returned the favour, exploring her body with as much attention as Gabriela had shown to her. Gabriela was more vocal than Luisa was used to but she appreciated it, finding the clear communication refreshingly straightforward after some of her partners who somehow expected her to have psychic powers when it came to what they wanted.
After a slow build up, Luisa was rewarded by the feel of Gabriela's back arching under her touch, of Gabriela's thighs clamping around her head and her hands holding on to Luisa's hair. Again, it felt so completely genuine, so authentic, and drove Luisa's desire for Gabriela through the roof.
Afterwards, much later and after both of them had climaxed several more times, lying in Gabriela's narrow bed, Luisa felt an unfamiliar contentment. It was what she’d been searching for since Bel… the simple pleasure of a deep and natural connection with someone else.
"You seem surprised," Gabriela grinned, propped up on one elbow, studying Luisa's expression.
"I am," Luisa admitted. "I didn't expect this."
Gabriela laughed and looked down her own sturdy, practical body. "I'm pretty sure I’m not your usual type..."
Luisa smiled back. "I think you might be now..." she teased as she laced her fingers with Gabriela's. "But this... it feels nice. Natural. Right." She paused. "Uncomplicated."
"Is it usually complicated?"
Good question, Luisa thought,a very good question. It opened something within Luisa, a need to articulate what she'd been wondering but had never talked to anyone about over the last couple of years. Over the next hour she opened up to Gabriela about everything, about Tulum and Bel, about her confusion, about what she'd been searching for ever since, about the good nights and the bad. Not every detail, not even close, and she kept the names to herself, not wanting to make it awkward for Gabriela if she ever worked with any of them, but enough to convey the journey she'd been on.
Finally, Gabriela summarised it well. "So, you've been trying to decide if you're into women, or men, or both? Or whether you're into men really, and the other model in Tulum was a one off?"
"Yes," replied Luisa, relieved at how succinctly Gabriela had put it. "Exactly that."
"And now?"
"And now... I'd been wondering if I'd been experimenting with women because I felt I should, not because I wanted to. That I'm a straight woman who had one amazing night with a woman, but it was an aberration." She paused and looked at Gabriela, blushing as she continued. "I know, after tonight, that it wasn't just the model in Tulum. I'm attracted to women as well as to men."
Gabriela smiled. "That makes sense... I'm also kind of honoured." She paused. "It's not just about being straight or gay or bisexual. Do you think you might be pansexual?"
"Pansexual?" In all her searching it wasn't a term that Luisa had met before.
"The idea that sexuality for you doesn't reference gender, just the person. It kind of sounds right to me."
Luisa thought about that, rolling it around her mind. Pansexual... that sounded about right if she was being honest. She was attracted to connection regardless of gender, in fact gender was completely irrelevant to her. Gabriela could have been a man or a woman for all she cared, she'd have felt the same. So, she realised, could Bel. It was irrelevant to her.
The realisation that there was a word for what she'd known for months if not years now was a relief, a huge weight off her shoulders. She knew what she was.
"Pansexual," she said out loud, testing the word out. "I'm pansexual," she repeated, smiling at Gabriela. "It sounds right."
Luisa ended up pushing her flights back and they spent two more nights together before Luisa returned to Mexico City. There was no pretence of romance, no promises of continuation afterwards, just mutual enjoyment of each other's company and bodies. When they parted, it was with genuine warmth but no expectations.
***
Back in her apartment in Mexico City, Luisa stood under the shower for a long time, letting hot water pour over her as she processed her experience with Gabriela. The physical satisfaction had been undeniable, different from that magical night with Bel but genuine and intense in its own way.
More significant was the emotional resonance, the connection she'd felt with Gabriela as a person, not as a vessel for trying to recreate what she had had with Bel, something she realised with a jolt could describe all of her other experiences with women over the two years since Tulum.
The conclusion was inescapable. Her interest in women wasn't about Bel specifically. This wasn't about the mysterious chemistry of that night in Tulum. This was about Luisa herself... about the fundamental truth of her sexuality that she'd been circling for years without fully acknowledging.
It explained everything, and gave Luisa immense reassurance about who she was and how to approach her life.
From that point onwards Luisa's approach changed. On photoshoots and on nights out, if there was someone she felt a strong connection with, regardless of gender or status, she'd be open to something happening. No more going back to another model's room because she felt she should, like she needed to experiment to find out who she was. She knew who she was by then and didn't need another vaguely enjoyable night with her head buried between another model's legs to tell her that.
More than that, though, she was learning something else… something that would help to define how her career progressed. It was possible, she realised, to choose judiciously who you might be able to enter into a mutually beneficial relationshipwith, one where they got to date a model while she got to further her career. Not like her bad experiences with the photographer or the executive, the idea of using her body simply to further her career was repugnant, but she could appreciate that if there was someone that there was genuine connection with and they could help her professionally it would be the best of both worlds.
***
Over the months that followed, her love life was quiet while her career really started to go places. A new agent that she’d found through connections had been transformational, and suddenly Luisa found herself in demand for work all over North America, going regularly to California, to Florida, to New York as well as many places in between. In New York she had a brief fling with a British make-up artist on one of her shoots, Olivia, another woman where the connection was real, cemented over weak beer in a bar somewhere in Brooklyn. It had the potential to be something more, and they even travelled to visit each other a few times in the months that followed, but inevitably it fizzled out amicably when they couldn’t manage to get their schedules to match.
Whenever she was back in Mexico City she'd started to date a man she'd met, Carlos, someone involved in the industry but on the periphery, someone who understood that her life would take her frequently to exotic places and would potentially involve her seeing other people, and who accepted that. Their relationship was casual, necessarily so, but certainly more than nothing even if it was far from ever being serious... he became her go-to to go on dates with when she was back from her travels, a source of stability amidst the organised chaos of her professional life, andin between neither minded what the other got up to, it wasn't that sort of relationship.
