“What happened. You and Luisa. It was within the boundaries we set.” She paused. “It shocked me, I didn’t expect it, but maybe I should have. Either way, it wasn’t your fault.”
Bel looked at her as she took a sip of water. "You might want to tell Luisa that."
"Me and her are figuring it all out, that's all. She knows."
Bel studied Amy for a long moment, then inclined her head, a gesture that was respectful. "We're not rivals, you and I," Bel said eventually.
"Thank you, I appreciate that." A thought leapt into Amy's head and she acted on instinct before she could think about it any further. "Would you like a drink?"
She wasn't sure that anything could pierce the cool exterior that Bel portrayed, but it seemed that Amy had managed to surprise her. Her eyebrows shot up. “A drink?"
"Yeah... what harm can it do?" Amy replied with a shrug.
Bel thought about it. "Ok," she said, finally. "But we're not talking about Luisa. We don't talk relationships.”
Amy grinned. “Deal.”
Luisa
Amalfi
The restaurant was tucked into a terrace above the town, lanterns strung from beams overhead throwing soft pools of light over the white tablecloths. The sea was stretched out dark far below in one direction, moonlight reflecting from it, the stars out in the heavens up above, and inland there was a glimpse of rolling hills and countryside. Scented flowers, Luisa didn't know what other than that they were tropical, seemed to be everywhere that wasn’t a table or a chair. And candles, many, many candles on their table.
Romantic didn't do it justice. It was an incredible recommendation.
And sat across the table, smiling, relaxed, the soft light reflecting off her bare shoulders and happy face was Amy, looking absolutely stunning. Luisa was so excited and so happy to be sat there opposite her.
"I wanted to say again," Luisa said not long after they'd ordered, "thank you for flying over." She paused and blushed, a blush that Amy shared. "I know it wasn't quite what you were hoping for when you arrived at the hotel, but... it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."
"It's nothing..." Amy replied, though Luisa could tell that she was delighted. "I just... I wanted to see you, and Naomi pointed out to me that I was an idiot not coming here, and well it all seemed so obvious the way she put it."
Luisa reached across and squeezed Amy's hand. "Thank you. It meant a lot.”
Luisa wasn't quite sure how they'd managed to get, in less than twenty-four hours, from Amy walking in on her and Bel to her and Amy sat, relaxed, peaceful, having this romantic meal. It seemed crazy. But maybe it just reflected the fact that they had genuinely strong feelings for each other, and that they both knew that they wanted to build stronger after what had happened rather than let it all fall apart.
They kept their order simple, grilled fish, steamed vegetables, nothing crazy (“model food,” Amy joked) and they ate in companiable silence on the whole, both content with just being in the other's company.
Eventually, inevitably, one of them brought up the unspoken subject, the elephant in the room as Amy had taught her to say not long after they'd first met. Amy put down her fork, studied Luisa for a long moment, then said, "We need to figure out what this is." Her tone was thoughtful, like there was a problem to solve together, not an issue to confront on their own.
Luisa nodded. "I know. I love you, above everything else, I love you."
"And I love you too... that matters more than anything." Amy took a sip of her wine and continued, "But I think we both want more than this. We pretty much said so to each other last night. Bel, Sarah, Julian, there's complexity for both of us and we want that, I think?"
Exhaling slowly, Luisa replied, "I think we do." She glanced down, not trusting herself to make eye contact while she thought, focusing instead on her fingers tracing the condensation on her wine glass. "I want... I don't want to say this wrong, so please don't take this the wrong way... I want to experience things. Other people. Before we..." Luisa stopped, uncertain of herself, worried she'd said too much.
"Settle down?" Amy finished the sentence for her.
Luisa smiled faintly. "Yeah."
Amy nodded, and her expression said that she'd known it already. "I feel the same," she said quietly. "I want you more than anything, but I want to experience what liking women can be, what it can mean... I've been straight all my life." She paused when she saw Luisa grin. "Oh, I forgot you spent an afternoon drinking with my best friends. Ok, I've been straightish all my life. Does that word work?" Luisa nodded. "Good. So straightish and I feel like there is so much that I missed out on by doing that, now that I can be out in the open."
"Me too," Luisa replied. "I’ve always done things casually with women, and I’ve not had a relationship since I was eighteen. I realised a while back that I’m pansexual, but I’ve continuedportraying myself as straight on the whole. I’d like to experience life being entirely open and honest about my sexuality. I want to make the most of it.”
Amy's hand reached across the table, palm open, and Luisa put her hand in it without hesitation. It was the most natural thing in the world. "But we can't do it like we did it this week. What I did with Sarah, what you did with Bel, it will end us. I can't... I like Bel, but if I didn't know every time you're away on a shoot whether you might be with her it would kill me inside, bit by bit, until there was nothing left. And I don't want that to happen."
Nodding her agreement, Luisa said, "I agree. And the same with you and Sarah or whoever. If we're apart, which we will be sometimes, a long way apart, I can't be there not knowing if you're with her or not. An open relationship was necessary at first when you were still with James and seeing Sarah, and I had my Julian thing and Bel in the background as well, but now... it won't work."
She glanced across the table at Amy and Amy was looking at her intently. Finally, Amy said, "Open together."
