“What if—” I began, knowing what I said next had dire consequences. His eyes lifted to mine, sharp as the steel of his blade. Fear told me to stop. End this now and leave. I ignored it. “What if I don’t want you to go?”
He took a calculated step. Then another.
“What if I wanted you to stay?”
“To what end?” He loomed over me.
The answer to his question pressed from behind my lips, clawing at them to part. To say what he needed to hear. What I needed to say.
“Reyva, this is not a game,” he growled. “It would be best for us both if you spoke clearly and told me exactly what you want.”
The heat coming off his bare chest was like standing next to the sun. The corded muscles of his forearms danced beneath his skin as he clenched and unclenched his hands, waiting for me to respond.
“What I want—” I tilted my chin to hold his gaze. My lips parted slightly to make way for more air. My breathing stuttered, unable to satiate my pounding heart. “It changes day to day. Three weeks ago, I thought I was falling in love with Rhazien.”
The blues of Dommik’s eyes were coated in a jealous fury. “And today…Today,I was fitted for all of my ceremonial gowns. And what I thought about the entire time wasn’t what I’m going to say when I get tothat altar.” He looked down at me, questions treading water behind his concerned stare.
“What you said in the cellar…” I bit my lip and held my breath. “Do you regret it?”
I wrung my hands, waiting to be denied by the commander who time and time again put his duty above all else. Infuriating as he’d been, I respected him for it.
“No,” he said, his resolve evident in his postured, unwavering stance. “But you’re withhim.”
“I’m not—I haven’t been—” I said, tripping over my words as I corrected him. “Not since before the Northern Hive.”
“But you’ll forgive him. Take him back. Move forward and become bound. Become—” he swallowed hard “—his queen.”
The word sent a shiver through me, straightening my spine.
“A queen to all vampires,” he rasped. “My queen.”
“I don’t know that yet,” I said a little too enthusiastically, like I wanted to give him hope if it meant he would quit making that face. His frown lines were so profound, I could careen into their depths. “What if I want something different for myself. Someonedifferent.”
A spark flashed across his gaze. I reached out and gently took his hand. He looked down to my palm in his, and then back up to me.
“Do not play with me, Reyva.” His tone was all gravel and desperation. “I love you. And my heart is not a toy.”
I could see him so clearly then, as if all his masks had been lifted. This was Dommik. Beyond the charm, behind the muscle, underneath the hurt. He was a man who wanted to be seen, just like me. Someone not defined by their failures or missteps, just like me. Chosen for who he was, not what he could do for others, just like me.
I squeezed his hand and whispered, “No games.”
He blinked away an expression that looked like something between hope and fear.
“I won’t do it. Be the one to cross the line. I need to know, entirely, that it was your choice. That I’m not reading this wrong. Better yet, show me. Show me I’m not reading this wrong. It’s not a challenge, it’s an invitation. One you can decline. And I’ll walk away. It will be the most difficult thing I will ever be asked to do, but if it’s what you wanted, I would walk away.” Dommik’s throat bobbed as he spoke. The invisible leash restraining him was waning, fraying with each passing second.
When I hesitated, he huffed out a disappointed sound and dropped hishand to the side. Then, the commander turned his back to me before becoming very, very still.
All the air left me as I realized I'd captured the crook of his elbow. A gesture marking my decision when I couldn’t form the words.
“Shaw asked who you were to me, and I’ve been trying to define it ever since,” I breathed, gently tugging, encouraging him to come back.
“I thought I could boil you down to a single word. To simplify you and keep what I feel for you uncomplicated. Neat. Tidy.” I lifted my free hand to meet his cheek and he pressed his face into my palm. “But we aren’t simple. We’re complicated. A mess even.”
Dommik scoffed softly, the puff of hot air sending a delicious shiver down my arm.
“But you. You see me.” My body went molten as it fell under his heated glare. “And I see you. All of you. And I’m here anyway.”
An exhale left him that reminded me of the way a cat purrs. Dommik lifted our joined hands and brushed my knuckles with his lips.
