“In all that time, do you remember how many prospects I have had?”
Yes. It was only mentioned every day of these preparations.
“Just me.” The responsibility weighed on my whisper.
“That’s right.” Red liquid threatened to leap from his goblet as he tipped it this way and that. “And I don’t intend on having another. It’s you or no one.”
Me or no one. A pile of bricks on my chest would have felt lighter.
The declaration pulled my gut in two directions. Part of me wanted tobelieve him, to lean into the finality of it—the importance of my role—while my mental opposition said not to trust it. Not to trusthim.
Stopping Eryx and keeping Atoris from descending into incomprehensible devastation was too important. He would not abandon his great matter if I refused him. There would absolutely be another prospect. Maybe not right away, maybe not for many years. But eventually, there would be someone.
The mental tug of war raged as I drifted to absently stare at the dancing flames of the well-fed hearth.
“Reyva.” My gaze lifted at the silky sound of my name. “I need you to know that I want to see you happy. I want to make you happy.”
His brows were knit tightly together and I ran my tongue across the roof of my mouth as I considered his words.
“I’m trying. And I feel—” he set the wine glass down and leaned forward on his knees “—shut out.”
The man sitting across from me was no ordinary gentleman caller. He was a ruler. A regent on the cusp of ascension. He’d conceded to my absence instead of commanding me to join him for an event. He’d given me the space I’d asked for when I denied his invitations.
Of course he felt shut out. I’d let him in and he hurt me, deeply. Could I trust he wouldn’t do it again if I left the door to my heart unlocked, letting him come and go as he pleased?
What was worse, he knew that I knew what he’d done. Yet he hadn’t broached the subject. He’d asked for an opportunity to fix things between us, but all I saw was expensive gifts with empty meaning.
The black boxes filling the flat surfaces of my room used to represent effort. Receiving them lit me up. But what I realized along the way was, I didn’t want or need more things. No, what I wanted—what Ineededfrom him was something he’d withheld. His presence. His time. Unyielding devotion. He had proven to be as predictable as any other royal spoiled by years of praise and attention.
And given his position, I wasn’t sure he could ever grant me enough of the true gift I needed. His kingdom would always come first.
I had to ask myself, could I do this again? Be the lonely wife to an important man? Sleep in my room with only the company of the priceless gems he gifted me?
As I stared at the dejected regent, I realized Shaw was right. Somewhere along the way, Dommik had become something more. More than a curiosity, attraction, or lust.
He wasn’t justsomeoneto me. He was special.
How long had I felt this way and not admitted it?
I reminded myself that while my future with Rhazien may be repetitive and unfulfilling, the work that could be done when he ascended could change our world as we knew it. It would usher in a new way of life between vampires and humans. The barbaric practices of the Northern Hive would be permanently outlawed, saving generations of humans from meeting terrible fates.
It would be a better, safer world. For Lydia. And all future citizens of Atoris.
Would it be worth it? Risking that future to follow my heart?
After a long silence, his head drooped slightly. “We’re mere days away and I need you to tell me if I’m a fool for being hopeful. Hopeful that carrying on with preparations means you still have intentions to accept my offer at Solstice.”
His eyes looked to mine, searching.
He’d waited this long for a prospect, he could wait a little longer.
“I appreciate your visit.” The words were coated in the same layer of frost that blanketed the flora outside the castle walls. Winter was seemingly also awaiting my decision before making its official arrival.
“Oh, you should know. You’re going to have a different guard going forward,” Rhazien said over his shoulder as he rose to leave. “I’ve reassigned Commander Thorne.”
Chapter 34
Tell Me
