“You said my name.” The words crawled across the gravel in his tone and I looked up at him, meeting a hardened gaze.
“I did?” I clutched the fabric over my chest, wishing there were miles more of it to bury myself beneath.
“Mhmm.”
“I…” I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand before running it through my hair. “I don’t remember.”
His eyes ran over me before he softly exhaled. “That’s a shame.”
My heartbeat began to steady itself and I quipped, “Is it?”
He’d saved me last night. Again. Dommik had been my shield and protector when Rhazien couldn’t.
The chair groaned with Dommik’s weight as he leaned forward, surveying me. “Are you wearing my shirt?”
“I’m wearingashirt,” I replied flatly. I couldn’t sleep in the biting beads of the formal gown and didn’t want to risk being found naked in the commander’s room. So, I grabbed the only things I could find—a light cream sleeping shirt and oversized pants that provided little additional heat in the depths of the Hive, but their ill fit had to do, considering the circumstances.
Dark hair danced as Dommik shook away an amused expression. His muscles shifted as he sat up straight again, rolling his neck and shoulders. “Maybe it will come back to you later.”
Dommik stretched his arms over his head, flexing, and I snuck another glance at his exposed midsection. And lower.
“Maybe it’s best if it's forgotten.” I tucked my knees into my chest, wrapping my arms around my limbs, and let my forehead rest atop my balled up form. I had to pry away my gaze from the beautiful deviant before darker, damning thoughts had a chance to weasel their way into my mind.
The shirtless commander exhaled evenly. “Maybe you’re lying.”
“Maybe you should fuck off.” The suggestion muffled into the sheets.
A short snort of laughter escaped. “I don’t think I deserve the animosity after saving your life last night.Again.”
I couldn’t stop the sarcasm from practically erupting out of my body. I scoffed with the drama of a petulant teenager, “Ha! Dommik, the savior! Tell me, was it just awful? Doing yourspecial tricksfor Valta?”
My jealousy broke from its chains and now that it was free, I couldn’t rein it back in.
His eyes darkened. Cold, stern, and unmoving, he simply said, “Yes.”
We sat stuck in a thick, muddy silence.
I opened my mouth to say something, although I wasn’t sure what. Something along the lines of thank you or I’m sorry. I should be grateful, not spiteful. But he spoke first.
“Don’t.” He leaned forward, clasping his hands together. “I am duty-bound to protect you. And so I did what I must to perform that duty.”
Guilt spread through my bloodstream like a rampant wildfire as his words sunk in.
His assignment. His duty. A burden was what I was, always making trouble for him in one way or another.
And I understood what he meant. Better than he likely realized. A woman’s body isn’t ever our own. Not really. They belong to our husbands as they take pleasure, and our children as they take nutrients from us. But never our own.
If I didn’t know it then, something clicked into place and I understood it now. Why I’d been so rebellious and insistent about my affair with Beau. Why I’d needed to dictate when and where and how much pleasure I took from others. It was a taste of the power and control I lacked in all other circumstances. Taboo as it was, I felt the most me in those moments.
I felt it again with Rhazien. The independence. The freedom.
But I’d taken it from Dommik and that truth would weigh until I could make things right.
Any semblance of an apology turned to ash on my arid tongue. The words I tried to conjure were all unworthy of speaking aloud.
“You don’t have to be thankful or sorry. Just know I didn’t do it for me.” Dommik snuffed out a rogue ember that had bounced from the fireplace with a crunch of his boot.
Something about his response disappointed me. I lifted my gaze to his waiting stare. “Your duty.”
