CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
A scaredy-cat man who’s afraid of his feelings
Remington
I fucked up.
That refrain burns through my brain as I stare at the closed door. It doesn’t quit when I finally trudge to the master bedroom and enter the bathroom. The voice grows louder while I’m scrubbing my hair in the shower.
And it’s positively screaming at me by the time I wrap a towel around my waist and stare into the mirror. The reflection looking back at me is accurate, appearing just as miserable as I feel.
I already miss her.
I lean forward and slam my palms against the vanity, dropping my head because I’m unable to even look at myself anymore. After an entire minute of deep breathing, determination of steel straightens my spine, and when I return to my bedroom, I don’t stop. My legs carry me out the door, down the hallway, and to the bedroom where Mindy is.
My fist raises to knock, but after hanging in midair for a few seconds, I drop it to the door handle, grateful to find it unlocked. My eyes scan the shadows bathing the room and find the bed on the far wall.
“Mindy?” I ask quietly, and I see her head lift.
“Remi?”
A tiny chunk of my anxiety is lifted when her voice doesn’t sound like she’s been crying. I’d probably toss myself out the window if I found her in tears. But I was still a dickhead, and she didn’t deserve that.
Crossing the dark room, I sit on the edge of the bed, not touching her though everything inside me wants to.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I shut down on you, and that wasn’t fair. I don’t have an excuse except that I was feeling overwhelmed by you.”
I see her dark form lift onto her elbow, facing me. “You wouldn’t even get naked with me.” The censure in her voice shames me.
“I know. I wanted to more than anything, but…” I release a heavy breath. “I didn’t want you to see.”
I can practically hear the wrinkles forming on her forehead. “See what? Do you have a scar or something? Because I don’t care about that, Remi.”
Jesus, she can be so fucking sweet.
“I’m turning on the lamp. Watch your eyes,” I warn before reaching over and flicking it on, coating the room in a soft yellow glow. “I didn’t want you to see this.”
She blinks as I shift my body so she can see the ink covering the entire right side of my torso. Her hand hovers over it, so close I can feel her warmth.
“You got a white owl tattoo?” Her eyes radiate confusion when she pulls her gaze up from the bird surrounded by a dark forest.
“You told me during our first night together that the white owl was your spirit animal.” I take her hand and press it against my ribs, over the inked skin. “You were touching me right here when you told me that.”
Mindy’s lips part as her fingertips trace the intricate lines and curves of the beautiful bird. “It’s absolutely beautiful. Why wouldn’t you want me to see this?”
Gathering my courage, I admit, “Because I didn’t want you to figure out how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”
Her fingers fit between the ridges of my ribs, stroking me exactlyhow she did all those years ago. When her gaze lifts to my face, I can read the confusion there.
“And how is that?”
I can’t hold myself back from touching her anymore and cup the side of her face in my palm. “I started falling for you that night, Mindy, and I don’t think I ever stopped. Then when you came back into my life, I just kept on falling, day after day.” My teeth scrape against my bottom lip as I hold her hazel gaze. “I’m in love with you.”
When she inhales a jagged gasp, I cover her swollen lips with my thumb. “I don’t want you to say it back right now. I want you to take your time and say it when you’re ready. It’s taken me almost eight years to admit it.” An anxious thought infiltrates my brain. “I know you might never feel it, and that’s okay. It won’t change the fact that you are the first and last woman I’ll ever love.”
Mindy blinks at me and shakes her head. “This is… a lot. The tattoo and what you just said.” Her eyes narrow on me. “Did you get hit in the head with a golf ball today?”
A laugh bursts from me, and I press a kiss to her mouth. “I feel like I’ve been hit with a meteor, and it’s the best feeling in the world.”
