I wonder if this was the same man I just saw leaving in a rush, moments before I entered the diner. Even so, I have no plans of ever confiding in an officer of the law.
“Can I do anything to help? It hurts when you keep things from me… I just want to keep you safe. Let me help you!” My uncle looks more desperate than concerned. I remain silent, as he continues. “I read in the paper about that manager at Star Mart. Maybe it’s time you leave the city. Go stay with your parents in New York.”
What? No way! My uncle has never endorsed that. All the stories I’ve told him over the years. He’s never encouraged me to leave. I take a deep breath in and let it out gently before I respond. “I’m not in danger. Maybe it’s just some kind of admirer, like you suggested… but I have no plans of leaving Southie. In fact, I feel like I’m onto something big.”
I didn’t mean to let the last part out, but there it is. Hoping he doesn’t press, I nervously find one of the zippers on my jumper, opening and closing it, to give my hands something to do. The sound brings me instant relief.
“Big?” He asks, raising an eyebrow which adds to the already present valleys along his forehead.
“Yeah. Something big,” I admit. Here I go… “Since our last breakfast, I learned Theo’s death wasn’t an overdose?—”
A chipper waitress appears next to our table, placing down two waters, while smacking her gum. “What can I get you two?”
My uncle practically barks at the young girl, who’s just trying to do her job. “We need more time!” He returns to his posed position; fists now clenched on the table.
The waitress rolls her eyes before shuffling away, muttering under her breath.
“What do you mean… not an overdose?!” He sounds aggravated over this revelation, compared to my initial shock.
“Eamon, my boss. He told me he knew Theo. Was even close with him.”
My uncle’s smoky eyes become more midnight sky than cool gray. “You can’t possibly believe Eamon. From what I hear, he has a poor reputation. Furthermore, you barely know the boy!”
He wasn’t wrong, but how would he know his character better than me? I only met him a little over a month ago. I mean… I’ve been on three dates with him, until I learned he was actually my brother’s lover. That part I plan to keep to myself.
I can’t help but notice the way my uncle’s knuckles have now turned white. He’s acting rather strangely. Maybe his blood sugar is off?
I chew on my lower lip, readying to speak my truth, despite his unwillingness to believe me. “Well… I still don’t believe that my brother would have taken his own life.”
He reaches across the table, grasping my hands in his pale frigid fingers. “Cindel. We’ve gone over this. Your brother was in a dark place before he passed. Have you been seeing your therapist lately? Would you like me to call your mother?”
I pull my hand back, speaking concisely but respectfully. “I’m not a child. Please don’t disregard my feelings.”
Like flipping a switch, he sits back, unbothered by my words. “Suit yourself.” He beckons the waitress over and orders a black coffee.
I’ve lost my appetite, so I stick with the drink in front of me.
She takes the menus and leaves, probably frustrated. We’re taking up a table for only a cup of coffee.
An awkward silence settles between us, which is a first. The coffee arrives, and he sips only briefly from the piping hot drink, before removing a five-dollar bill and placing it on the table. Is he leaving already?
I can’t help but speak up. “Why did you want to meet earlier?”
He wraps a black and gray plaid scarf around his neck and stands to pull on his long overcoat. My uncle’s once miffed demeanor is now indifferent. His flat expression, tense shoulders, and downcast mouth are unsettling. I’ve never seen him appear anything other than warm, attentive, and caring. His body language speaks volumes, making my stomach feel as though it’s twisting into knots.
“Silly girl... you should have left with your parents when you had the chance.”
Like a slap across the face, his comment stuns me. I am at a loss for words. He’s only ever supported my decision to stay here in Boston, when my parents left, after my brother passed. Why? Why would he ever say that to me? I try to play back everything that’s transpired, since I first walked into the diner. Did I do something wrong?
“Do tell your folks I say ‘Hello.’” Then he just walks out. Leaving me just like that. I watch as he heads down the street without a second glance back.
I down the water in two big gulps before leaving Benny’s. As I walk toward The Black Sheep, a lot earlier than necessary, Ihave this eerie feeling that everything was going to be different moving forward.
My shoes crunch on the sidewalk over little granules of salt. The impending freeze sends the city into preparation mode.
Theo dared me to try the salt one time. My throat burned and I think I even threw up. I swear the taste buds on my tongue are still permanently damaged from the incident. Zero stars… do not recommend! My cracked lips pull into a pitiful smile, thinking about something as stupid as a dare from my brother, but that’s what this city does to me. Every building, fallen leaf, and grain of salt holds Theo’s memories. I could never abandon this place. It’s my home. I refuse to forget. Fuck my uncle for thinking I should have left. If there’s some kind of clue or message that could shed light on Theo’s untimely death, I will find it. I’m nothing if not manically stubborn.
A shaky hunger courses through me, due to my inability to back down, I skipped breakfast all together. I know I’ll need my strength for the long shift ahead. Making a pit stop at a hot dog stand, I managed to find just enough money in my wallet to cover the cost of the delicious smelling meat log. I handed the cart owner the exact change, then found a remote bench to eat. Knowing I’m going to be indoors for hours on end, makes me willing enough to brave the temperature just a little longer.
