“What of me?”
“Ophelia…” Adelaide’s expression was all pity. “There is no need to pretend to be so strong. I would hope that you know I am the last person who might judge you.”
“I am fine,” Ophelia lied. “Just worried about Harriet.”
“And after she goes with Lord Delacourt?” Adelaide pressed gently, careful not to push too hard. “You are… You have found somewhere to live?”
“Not yet.” In truth, Ophelia had not looked as hard as she should have done. She told herself it was because she was distracted by Harriet, while knowing that the true reason was the vain hope that Adrian might change his mind.
“Oh…” Adelaide’s brow furrowed. “If you like, I can ask my father…”
“It is fine,” Ophelia said. “This is something I need to do on my own.”
“And His Grace?” she asked, again with caution.
“What of him?”
“Has he said anything? Has he suggested that he…” She bit into her lip. “You know, now that Harriet has found a new home, it might be worth speaking to him again. If you told him that you do not want to leave –”
“I do want to leave,” Ophelia cut her off sharply.
Adelaide looked at her plainly. “Please, do not lie to me, Ophelia. No… do not lie to yourself.”
“I am not lying. I want to leave. There is no future for me with Adrian. I need this… a fresh start, on my own.”
Ophelia took no pleasure in lying to her friend. But she had no choice. And to admit otherwise, to dare and dream, did her no good. If anything, it only made things worse.
Time and again, Ophelia had thought back to the last few weeks. She remembered fondly those days when Adrian had allowed himself to spend time with her and Harriet… when he had wanted to do so. She smiled often, recalling his hesitancy in the park, how slow he was to warm up to her. And she often cried when she pictured them at the theater together, hand in hand, warmth and love emanating between them because for a few moments there, she had been certain that Adrian had finally changed into the man who she knew he could be.
But it was all a lie.
Adrian was not just stubborn, but determinedly against change. For reasons that she could not fathom, he believed that he was happier on his own. And while a part of her wondered if it was worth fighting for what she knew could be, a greater part was tired of trying.
If he wanted her, it would be up to him to realize it. Laughable, she knew, as he would never do such a thing.
“It is a shame,” Adelaide sighed as she handed Harriet back to Ophelia.
“What is?”
Adelaide’s smile was forgiving and warm like the sun. “I cannot stop picturing the two of you in the park that time, remember? When I saw you both.” She laughed and shook her head. “If I had not known you, I would have thought you were a couple in love. Truly, to see it made me jealous.”
“I…” Ophelia focused on Harriet. “We were never in love.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Ophelia opened her mouth to dismiss her friend a second time. She needed to. She needed to believe that love with Adrian was impossible, not worth considering, and would only lead to pain and suffering of a type that she was done feeling.
But that she felt that way at all…is that not proof of how I feel?
If she did not love Adrian, then why did she hurt so much? If she did not love Adrian, why was she so desperate for him to come to her, to tell her that he did not want her to go? If she did not love Adrian, why was he all she could think about?
“Does it matter?” she sighed as she held Harriet close. “Love or no, our marriage is over. And once Harriet is gone, there will be no reason for me to stay.”
She felt Adelaide’s eyes on her. She felt her pity and her sadness. She felt her lie rebuffed, denied, the obvious truth of her feelings so stark that they could not be ignored. What was more, she felt a need for Adelaide to talk some sense into her!
However, before she got the chance, Adelaide’s eyes shifted and then widened with excitement when she spied someone hurrying through the garden and toward them.
“Oh!” Adelaide was on her feet. “It is about time!”
