“Which brings us to tonight,” Rupert continued with humor. “I can count on one hand how many times you have asked to spendan evening with me, as you did tonight. It is always I, chasing you. But tonight…” He clicked his tongue. “You did not ask so much as beg. A desperation to spend time in the company of your dear old friend.”
“One more word,” Adrian growled.
“Which is one more than you have offered,” Rupert laughed. “Which brings me back to my original point. Something is troubling you. Something has…” He laughed. “… unseated you. Something is causing turmoil within, and while you claim that you want silence, I know why you are here. The true reason.”
Adrian bared his teeth and growled at his friend.
“You want advice,” Rupert said as his tone turned from humor to genuine concern. “Oh yes, you can snarl and snap and do all manner of things to warn me away. But I know you, Vermont. And while I do so enjoy twisting the knife, dare I say that I am worried?” He put down his glass of brandy and sat up so he faced Adrian. “Sit in silence and sulk if you wish it, but know that I am here to listen, even help, if you want such a thing.”
That was the problem with being so emotionally closed off. When the moment came that there was something wrong, that which needed honest discussion and empathy, it was rather hard to ignore that side which was so dominant.
But if Adrian did not want to talk about the problems that battered and beat him, then why had he bothered seeing Rupert at all?
He knew the answer to that, even if it was a struggle to admit. For two days now, Adrian had existed in a state of confused misery and torment. One side of him was determined to see it through, to push down his feelings and ignore them until they finally disappeared. That was how he often dealt with such situations, and it always worked in the past.
The other side wanted to open up. It wanted to speak those feelings that would not leave. It wanted to be told that his fears were misplaced, and that perhaps they were to be pursued… even held onto.
Why, oh why, is this so hard?
“It’s Ophelia,” Adrian began, his voice low, a whisper as if he hoped that Rupert might not hear him. “Although that is obvious. You have guessed as much.”
Rupert nodded. “And what has she done that has caused this…” He waved his hands at Adrian’s slumped figure. “Or what have you done?”
“I just do not understand it,” Adrian sighed. “I married her for one reason only, and I do not regret it. It was right to do.” He looked pointedly at his friend, needing him to believe it. “But a marriage of convenience is all it was supposed to be.”
“And what is it now?”
“I…” Adrian grimaced. “It is still that. On the surface, nothing has changed. I am not even sure that she wants it to.” He laughed bitterly. “Why would she? Look at her and look at me. She would be better off if she had nothing to do with me at all. Happier for it.”
“Is that true?” Rupert asked. “Or is that just a wish that even you do not believe? I saw you both together, Vermont. As surprising as it was to see, the two of you together…” He shrugged. “It was not nearly such a horrid sight as I would have imagined.”
Adrian scoffed. “She was playing a role. That is all it was.”
“I am not so sure.”
“She was,” Adrian said sharply, not so sure that he believed it. In fact, he did not want to believe it. He wanted Rupert to be telling the truth, the slim chance that she had been enjoying her night with him…
“If you say it so,” Rupert said. “But this is not about your wife, is it? It’s about you. How she feels, or how you want to believe that she feels…” He shook his head. “You like her, don’t you?”
“Of course not,” he said without thinking. Rupert cocked an eyebrow, and Adrian grimaced. “I… her company is not as objectionable as I thought it would be. But that does not mean anything. I do not want it to mean anything.”
Adrian looked away from his friend’s probing eyes. He should not have felt it, but shame and embarrassment washed over him. The feeling that he was doing something wrong… but was it the lies he was ashamed of, or his feelings? He could not say.
His mind cast back to the last time that he had spoken to Ophelia. He had given her that brooch, done because he wanted her to have it… he wanted to see her smile, to show her that she was in his thoughts. Also, to prove in a way that he was not a cold, detached monster worthy of her scorn.
After that, as they had looked at each other, a moment had passed. Adrian knew now that he had not imagined it, because he had thought about it so much the last two days. An urge had taken him to kiss his wife, and if he did not miss his guess, she had wanted to kiss him back.
Is it possible… that she wants me… that our marriage…
“It matters not,” he said, his head bowed. “This marriage has a purpose, and that will not change. Nor should it.” He snapped his head up and glared at Rupert, daring him to argue.
Rupert looked at him with concern, that of a friend who was truly worried. But Adrian held that glare… “As you say,” Rupert sighed. “If that is what you believe and what you want.” He lay back down. “A shame though, Adrian. A true shame.”
“And why is it a shame?”
“Because that night at the ball, it was the first time I can remember seeing you so happy. And such a feeling as that is one that should be fought for, no matter the cost.”
“I was not happy,” Adrian lied. “I was playing a role. That is all.”
