“Straighten up, LaReina,” Doc said sharply. “You ain’t gotta shrink in here. Grown people do the hard shit.”
I swear my eyes grew two sizes larger. “Crazy you say that. Reign told me that once, when I was 19.” I straightened up in the chair and rolled my shoulders back, looking this crazy therapist lady square in her eyes.
“Alright. I have this rule that I recognize is dumb as fuck now. The rule was to never give upfor sure dickformaybedick. Me and Vasiah were very new at the time…and…Enrico was just…there. And even though he didn’t satisfy me one way sexually, he satisfied me another way. And also… a sick side of me liked the way he let me have my way with him.”
“Thank you for acknowledging that. How does it make you feel?”
“I don’t know. I want to change from having this mentality. What do you think?”
“You really wanna know what I think?”
My brows raised. “Ummmm. Yeah. Ain’t that what you get paid for?”
She smirked, so I knew I had to mentally prepare myself again. I don’t know how people ain’t walk outta her office feeling like they went rounds with Mike Tyson. Doctor Love ain’t play no games.
“Let’s go back to accountability for a bit. I think your challenges with holding yourself accountable have to do with the vulnerability that’s associated with it. From what you’ve shared with me over our last few sessions, vulnerability for you is tooclose to allowing yourself to get hurt. If you admit that you did something wrong, you equate it to being a ‘bad’ person when human behavior is much more complex than that. We aren’t just ‘good’ or ‘bad’... we’re justhuman. And admitting when you’re wrong isn’t a death sentence. It’s actually very healthy.”
Well damn.I could just snatch my wig off and throw it.
“I don’t think you’re a sociopath who has no remorse for others… but I do know a couple things to be true: you’ve been let down by people you love and care for. As a result, you’ve developed an inflated sense of self-worth as a defense mechanism. Don’t get me wrong, LaReina, you are very muchthat girl… but you are flawed too, and that’s okay.”
I’m pretty sure I paled at that point.
“I know it's hard to hear, but this is what you wanted, correct?”
I nodded.
“Then we’ll continue to work on it. You’re not a broken person who needs to be fixed, but you do need to learn to be considerate of people you say you love and care about. And if you don’t care about them, learn to let them go and allow someone else to treat them well.”
Ding.
The timer went off, and I couldn’t gather my purse fast enough. I wanted to lie down and take a nap; I was so emotionally overstimulated. I drove home in silence, mulling over her words. That would be the last time I ask for that lady’s honesty again! Deep down inside, though, I knew she was right. I wasn’t broken, but there were things internally that I needed to repair – especially if Vasiah and I were gonna make it down the aisle one day.
27
VASIAH
Me: I have something to share with you
Hayami: You married with three kids, ain’t you?
My face scrunched up so hard as I stared at her message in disbelief. Then, I chuckled. Something was truly wrong with my girl, and both she and I knew it, but I was gone stick beside her.
Me: LMFAO. LaReina, please.
No, crazy. It’s nothing like that.
Hayami: Good. I would hate to have to tell your wife to move over cuz I was joining the relationship. Or whoop your ass… idk.
I sputtered. This girl was nuts. Good thing candy with nuts in it was my favorite.
Me: Be at my house tonight at eight. Wear something…sexy. Cotton. Those boy shorts and that cami in my favorite color, preferably. No heels. I want to introduce you to Shibari.
Hayami: Shi – what?
Me: See you at eight, Hayami.
I closed my phone,a satisfied grin on my face. It was essential to keep a woman like LaReina on her toes. Throughout my years, I’ve learned that submission is earned when you create a safe environment. When your partner knows they can trust you, that they aresafewith you, they will submit. You have to show your partner that you not only love them, but that they are safe with you and that you handle their hearts, their thoughts, their vulnerable moments with care. LaReina and I were working on trust. Her heart was fragile, and she erred on the side of self-sabotage more often than not. However, that didn’t make her unlovable. It made her human.
