“Aight, aight, aight… so after we left the day party, yetanothernigga was being friendly with her.”
“Was this nigga one from her past?”
My eyes stretched. “Aye yo,” I chuckled. “What kinda therapist are you?”
“Well-qualified, well-degreed, and I do very well at my job, Mr. Hill. And absolutely nothing like you think I should be. You gon’ answer the questions or what?”
Respect.
“Nah… he wasn’t from her past, but he was hella familiar with her because he said he missed her and that the owner named a hookah flavor after her, and that’s where my antennas went up. So I asked her, who the hell owned the spot, and she tells me it’s the nigga I knocked out on our first date.” Saying it out loud sounded very ridiculous, like something straight out of a sitcom. My life was so simple before LaReina entered it.
“You…wait….I’m sorry,” she burst into a fit of laughter. “Okay. You beat someone up on your first date with her?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Some half Puerto Rican looking nigga came up to her wilding while we were dancing and grabbed her arm. I didn’t think twice about beating his ass. Because why would you think it’s okay to touch the love of my life like that?”
“Damn! So… you already ran into this individual, and she took you to the spot he owned? What happened after that?”
I paused the game and looked at her sheepishly. “I… knocked him out again. We got put out by security, and I blew up on her, telling her she was bad for business.” Repeating the statement felt like poison on my tongue. I really hurt my baby’s feelings, and I hated myself for that.
Dr. Love’s brows furrowed. “What does bad for business mean?”
“To be honest, Doc… I don’t know. I’m not one to blame something on the liquor because, as we know, a drunk mind tells sober thoughts, and I had already been feeling some type of way…maybe we can call it inadequate? But that shit just came out.”
“I imagine she didn’t take it well.”
“She slapped the shit outta me!” I rubbed my cheek, and I swear I saw a ghost of a smirk curl up the corner of her lips. By the time I blinked again, her face was neutral again.
“And that made you feel…?”
“Like I deserved it. I realized immediately what I had done and felt shitty about it. But I was angry. I gave her like a day, then I started calling and texting to no avail. To be honest, I wouldn’t talk to me either.”
“So how did you all get back cool?”
“She and my pops have bi-weekly outings without me. They are platonically smitten with each other. He says her personality reminds him a lot of my late mother. Anyway, I called my Pops and told him what happened, and after he cursed me out, he told me what restaurant they were going to that day, and I popped up. I sat down, and we apologized to one another, and she came back to my place. We didn’t fu-... I mean, have sex; we just held each other. That’s when I knew I needed a session with you.”
I unpaused the game and let my words hang in the air. Reina had said she forgave me, but the way my anxiety was set up, I needed to make sure.
“I think that’s so sweet of her and your father to hang with one another. And even though it's only been a short time, could you comfortably say you feel deeply for her?”
“Man…Doc, Ilovethat girl. And it’s crazy because I’ve never been in love before. Nor have I ever really had a girlfriend. Just a few situationships here and there. She’s the first woman I can say I honestly see myself growing old with, and that’s odd, cuz I met her at the end of May this year. It’s the end of July now, going into August. But everything about her just feels right. She’s so beautiful on the inside and out. A lil’ crazy, but I swear she spices up what would otherwise be my very mundane life, though it's full of what I love. The words truly escape me when I think of her, though.”
“So now you’re here to do what, exactly?”
“For you to tell me what’s wrong with me and how to fix it.”
Doc smiled, gently shaking her head. “Aht aht. That’s not what I’m here for. I don’t fix things, and I don’t tell my patientswhat’s wrong with them because nine times out of ten, they already know.”
“So then what –”
“What I do is help my clients identify patterns and behaviors and help them decide to make better choices as they navigate life. So you want help figuring out how to do what? Not feel insecure because your girlfriend is popular? Learn to accept that men of all different calibers want to be next to her? Or become more secure in yourself?”
I was scared to answer, so I just blinked at her. “Vasiah, one thing I want you to keep in mind is that you and LaReina are both very new to relationships. This very well may not be the last time you let misogyny cloud your judgement –”
“Hold on, I ain’t no chauvinist!"
Her lips curled up. “I don’t doubt that. However, due to the patriarchy, all men have a bit of internalized misogyny. It’s the way the world is wired. Misogyny says that women like LaReina – talented, popular, well-respected in lots of different circles, someone who shines brightly – have to be humbled. I’m not sayingyoufelt the need tohumbleher when you said those particular things; what I am saying is that perhaps your outburst was indeed due to your feeling inadequate because she picked you to be a part of her world. You even said it yourself earlier: you wondered what the fuck you were doing there, since everyone around her owns businesses and you’re just “regular,” but I want you to chew on this – if she pickedyou… doesn’t that count for something? Wouldn’t that mean that you being “regular” is alright with her?”
“Yeah… you may be right.”
