“I think you should give it some time. And honestly, I think he should apologize to you. Because he tweaked, too. But keep yo hands off niggas, Reina.” He scolded. I forgot I slapped him, and though I felt like he deserved it, I knew it was wrong. Vasiah wouldn’t lay a finger on me.
“This is fuckin stupid!” I yelled, falling back into my couch cushions. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching mindless things on TV, and then Chewy forced me to eat a six-piece from Shark’s, though I wasn’t hungry. By the time nightfall came, I was alone again and deep in my feelings. I wanted Vasiah and me to work. First nigga I can actually say that I love and care for, and shocking news – I can’t actually turn that off just cause he hurt my feelings. In the same breath, I wasn’t one to coddle a nigga’s feelings. He’ssodominant in the bedroom, yet none of that translates in real life. If he don’t want me knowing other niggas, he should’ve told them niggas to unknow me. Like, put yo foot down! But with others, not me. Because telling me that I’m bad for business is just crazy to me.
I went to bed feeling sad, my trigger finger itching, but instead of pulling up on him, I went to sleep, hoping tomorrow would bring a better day.
THE NEXT DAY
“Ya know… I wish I could dig my wife up and ask if she stood in front of the microwave with him when she was pregnant,” Poppa Hill said, shaking his head. I drove out to the Heights for our bi-weekly outing, which we started doing, and when he inquiredwhy I was looking so sad, I blurted out everything that happened two days before.
Poppa Hill was disappointed, to say the least. “The boy just acts really slow at times,” he continued. “While I do agree that taking him to that hokey pokey lounge was wrong –”
“Hookah,” I corrected.
“Whatever. It wasn’t right, but the punishment doesn’t match the crime. Hell, you pretty mild compared to his mama. I remember one time, right before she got pregnant with Vasiah, she had two other fellas she was seeing, and me pull up for dinner and forced us to eat together. I made her wrap up her extra dealingsthat nightafter I whooped both those boys’ asses. You ever tried to fight two niggas at once?! Told her I was all she needed and made good on that promise through graduation, marriage, childbirth, and the first five years of Vasiah’s life. Vasiah may not need to go through such extremes, but he does need to speak up more.”
I nodded in agreement, completely tickled at Poppa Hill’s story. Vasiah’s mama was a force to be reckoned with, it seemed like. What a shame it was that I would never get a chance to meet her. A somber silence fell over the table. Poppa Hill looked down at his hands and then back up at me.
“Sholl wish she could’ve met you. She woulda thought you were a hoot!”
I smirked. “Probably woulda taught me new ways to stress your son out.”
“Speaking of, has he reached out to you?”
I nodded. “Yeah, but I’m not ready to talk to him yet. Usually, I react way more violently when my feelings are hurt. I’m turning a new leaf, though.”
“Well… good. But do me a favor: look behind you,” he said, pointing over my shoulder, and my jaw dropped. Vasiah’s lanky ass slowly walked towards our table, and my body reacted inconfusing ways. On one hand, I was happy to see him. On the other hand, he could stay the fuck out my face. I had never been this conflicted in my life.
“Poppa Hill, you tricked me!”
“Listen… I told you the boy is kinda slow. Thanks for lunch, daughter. See you in a few weeks,” he got up and tossed a few bills on the table, then exited the restaurant. Vasiah sat down cautiously, mulling over his words while I stared blankly at him.
“I’m sorry for what I said, Hayami. It wasn’t right, nor was it true. I just… was feeling slightly insecure.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.
“Insecure?”
“Yeah, man…”
“Why?”
“I… don’t know.”
“The only way this works is if you’re honest with me. I may not like it, but at least you aren’t lying to me…or yourself.”
He sighed. I waited patiently, sipping on my lavender lemonade. He held my stare for a minute, then wavered.
“Aight. And it’s nothing you did, I want to assure you. I just… like, it’s not every day that women like you approach niggas like me. You’re known in the city in a way that I am not. I found myself jealous… It’s… not every day that pro ball players talk to you, or bouncers are friendly towards you… It's like, I found myself not wanting anybody to know you except me on Sunday, but that wasn’t my reality.”
I schooled my facial expression. I refused to internalize his jealousy, but at the same time, I understood it. Hell, I was still mad that little Miss Fake Jhenè Aiko knows what his dick feels like. Doesn’t matter that it was back in college; it's the fact that he was fucking bitches before he met me.
“Anyways. I fucked up saying that shit to you. I love and accept you exactly the way you are. I don’t want you to dim your light to appease me.”
The table got silent as I searched his eyes. They were sincere. That much I could appreciate. But I had something to say, too.
“I hear you… and… I’m not gonna internalize your jealousy. I’m glad you recognize that I shouldn’t dim my light because I don’t plan to. Your option is to either shine brighter or get the fuck out my way… at the same time, I wanna apologize too. I shouldn’t have brought you to Enrico’s hookah lounge. The moment we decided to be together should’ve been the moment I cut all ties with him. I apologize for that. Now, I didn’t bank on you knocking him outagain,but it could’ve been avoided had I not brought you there in the first place. I’m sorry, boo.”
He grabbed my hand and rubbed his thumb across it. “Still love me?”
“It doesn’t turn off just because I’m mad at you.”
