“And I would be shooting the shit outta you next!”
“Alright now, children…. Let’s not make threats to each other. Reign, stop being mean to your sister. You are not the boss of her. Reina, stop being petty towards your brother. He’s always been very protective of you, even when y’all were in my womb. He means well, I’m sure, but his execution isn’t always the best.”
I pouted. Not because she said anything wrong, but because she sounded right. “Alright… I forgive you, stupid head,” calling him by the nickname I called him in childhood.
Reign remained silent for a beat. “My wife said that I gotta apologize, so I guess I will… I’m sorry I ain’t give yo nerd ass nigga a chance. I just worry about you sometimes. I gotta make sure the nigga for you is built for the ride… You ain’t regular, and I don’t want no four-eyed nigga trynna treat you as such.”
“Now hug like I used to make ya’ll do,” our mother jested.
I groaned. “Now you doing too much, Ma!” But Reign surprised me by coming into my space and locking me in a hug. It made me realize how long it's been since we actually hugged one another and how much more I actually…neededhugs from my brother.
Oh my lord. Love was making me soft!
“How is your wife, Reign? My job ordered from her restaurant recently, and that girl knows she can throw down!”
“Your daughter-in-law,” Reign corrected.
“What?”
“Desirae is your daughter-in-law. You’d know how she was doing if you picked up the phone to return her calls.”
Her eyes fluttered. Reign just said what I was thinking. Months would go by, and we wouldn’t see nor hear from the woman who birthed us, and though we were grown with our own lives, it was still very weird.
She exhaled. “What are you saying, Reign? Y’all are grown with your own lives.”
“Yeah, and it seems like you don’t want to be a part of it. You go months without seeing or talking to us. You damn near missed my wedding. You don’t answer the phone when we do call. Nobody understands working and getting to the money more than we do, but we still manage to be there and show up for everyone that we love. We would like to extend that to you.”
My mama and I were speechless. Reign wasn’t one to have this much to say about anything, and he said it with no emotion. He didn’t even raise his voice.
“I… don’t know what to say,” she sighed.
“I’d be interested to know why you are so distant,” I offered. It might’ve been OD to pile on to her like this, but oh well. We were here now.
“Distant? Is that what I’ve been?” She was looking at us, but sounded like she was asking herself.
“Yeah, Ma. We don’t even know you for real. And that sucks because we actually…wantto know you.” I watched as her eyes welled up with tears, and I began to feel bad, though my facial expression would never show it.
“I’m so sorry,” she sniffled. “I just… I never really knew what to do with y'all, you know? I was young, nineteen, when I had ya’ll… if it wasn’t for my mama, I’m not sure what I would’ve done. I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. Then I met your father, and he was heavy in the streets. So heavy that I gave him an ultimatum. He chose the streets, since it was all he knew. Still,I kept the door open for him to be in your lives, no matter how inconsistent. That’s something I beat myself up about constantly, because it wasn’t fair. To either of you. He ignored LaReina but took Reign underneath his wing to show him what? I prayed hard that my son wouldn’t end up like his daddy, and by His grace, he didn’t…. Not for long, at least. Anyway… I was depressed for a while. Single motherhood with twins was wild…”
I frowned. She was rambling, and something sharp was on the tip of my tongue, but I breathed instead.
“I’m… distant because being up close and personal hurts too much at times. I always felt inadequate as a mother and felt that you two would be better off without me. I see that’s not the case now.” She hung her head, with a few tears sliding down her cheeks. I had no idea that this afternoon would turn into a Lifetime movie special, but Dr. Love told me that I needed to lean more into uncomfortable moments. Reign cleared his throat. “Umm… Ion really know what to say to all that. That’s something you might wanna go talk to a professional about. I just know that you can’t go back and fix the past, and you shouldn’t worry too much about the future. You have the opportunity to show up for us in the present, though.”
“I agree. We need to talk through how we want you to show up for us and how you want us to show up for you. You don’t have to beat yourself up, Ma. It's all our first time on earth anyway.”
She smiled faintly. “You’re right. So right,” she murmured. “So, how can I show up better for both of you?”
For the rest of the afternoon, we talked to her, let her know what we needed, and just kicked it. It felt refreshing to be in this space with her. When we left, Reign walked me to my truck and gave me another hug, and apologized again. I drove away feeling full. I couldn’t believe that this was now my life, but I was so damn grateful for it.
21
VASIAH
“We ain’t seent yo ass in a month of Sundays, my nigga.” I dapped my homies Kari and Morris, then took my seat across from them. Kari was my homegirl from college, and Morris was my homie from work – we were the only two Black men who worked at the software company. Every once in a while, we get together to link up, watch anime, talk about comics, and have a couple of drinks.
“That’s because he’s been boo’d up with that fine ass stallion who does hair,” Kari swooned. She followed Reina on Instagram and even got her hair done by another stylist in her shop. When I told them that she was the one I was in a relationship with, they all but called me a liar. Apparently, she was pretty popular in the city. I couldn’t help but grin at the mention of my lady. A nigga was feeling blessed and blissful these days. Reina was one of the most exciting parts of my life. Her wit, her beauty, her spontaneity all made my days brighter, because some days they were dark. I worried about my future a lot, from my dad navigating getting older without a partner by his side to hoping I’d be able to one day quit my day job and really start my ownvideo game company. I wanted it to be Black anime-centered, with a whole universe for kids of color to see themselves in the games they loved to play. It was hard starting this type of business, and it required a lot of planning, meetings, and funding. Regardless of how long it took, though, I believed that I would achieve my goals.
“I can’t even lie… I love it here,” I laughed heartily. I was dead serious, too. Being LaReina’s man was something I took pride in. She had me walking taller, smiling more, and coming outta my shell slowly but surely. Her walls were slowly breaking down, too, and getting to know the woman outside of who she presented herself as was a breath of fresh air. And not to say that she put on airs or was a facade, but Reina made you earn it to see her softer, more vulnerable side. She told me that she learned the hard way that being too easy, too vulnerable, too soft too soon did nothing but bite her in the ass. Therapy seemed to be going well for her, though, even if she was still mum about her sessions. She was really showing me the importance of taking it one day at a time. I couldn’t complain, though. I was already planning on being with her for the long haul.
