“Okay?” he asked.
“Okay.”
He was quiet a moment. Then: “The way you looked just now, when I was looking at you. That’s not something to be embarrassed about, or apologize for. That did something to me too. You understand?”
I looked at him.
“Whatever you felt in that moment, I felt it too. From my side of it. We’re not in different places here.”
“I ruined it,” I said flatly.
“You didn’t ruin anything.”
“I started crying.”
“I know.” The edge of his mouth moved, softer than a smile. “I was here.”
I made a sound somewhere between a laugh and something more fractured. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I cried during sex.”
“We haven’t had sex yet.”
“I cried before sex.”
“That’s allowed.”
He pressed into me just enough that I felt him against my thigh. He hadn’t gone anywhere. “You didn’t ruin anything. If this is what you want.” He kissed the corner of my mouth.
“I want it,” I nodded. I could feel my heart still unsteady and the embarrassment still hot on my skin, but underneath it something was loosening.
He kissed me again. “And for the record, Lyss?”
“Hmm?”
“This probably won’t be the last time you cry in this bed.”
My eyes went wide and my mouth fell open when he leaned back down and took it with his. Then his hands closed over my hips and moved me, arranging me exactly where he wanted me. There was something undoing about being handled like that, like the only thing being asked of me was to let him.
When I felt him tease against my entrance, my whole body tensed in anticipation. He paused, eyes on mine. “Breathe, Lyss. We’ll go slow.” His voice broke a little in the quiet. “If it’s ever too much… tell me. I’ll pull back. Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
His first push stung sweetly as my body stretched to adjust to him. I gasped and dug my nails into his back.
“Relax, Lyss.Breeeeathewith me, baby.”
I took a deep inhale, and a shaky exhale as he gave me more. My thighs trembled and I began to realize he was reaching places that had never been touched. The sting eased as I adjusted, warmth flooding in as my body caught up to him.
“Julian!” I gasped, startled at how desperate it sounded.
He stilled, searching my face, his own expression overcome with effort and restraint.
“Too much?”
I shook my head. “No. Don’t stop.” I rolled my hips up to meet him and wrapped my arms around his back. “All of you.”
