I groaned. “Why is everyone so concerned about me all of a sudden?”
“We want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“We want you to be happier then.” Khaz sat across from me. “And we can see what you can't.”
“Which is?”
“That you two are compatible.”
“We are…asfriends. Besides the fact that she’s not built for the kind of arrangements I prefer. She deserves more than that.”
“You deserve more too, Julian.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“You're a family man. Always have been. How you stepped up when your mama died and Uncle Zay left. How you’ve handled things with Simone, Tre, Zion. Hell, all of us. But you keep acting like that part of you doesn't exist when it comes to women.”
“That's different. That's responsibility.”
“That's who youare. And you refuse to let yourself have what comes natural to you because... why? Because you might actually have to let someone in?”
“She's been through enough,” I said finally. “Husband murdered,had to rebuild her whole life. She doesn't need me making things more complicated.”
“Or maybe she needs exactly what you got to offer. Stability. Someone who’s there.”
“You talking like you know her.”
“Like I said, family's been talking.” Khaz stood, moving to his next exercise. “For the record, Raschad would be cool with it.”
That made me pause, weight halfway to my shoulder. “First of all, I know that. Second, if I was interested—which I'm not saying I am—I don't need his permission. Third, y'all need to find something else to do with your time because this matchmaking situation you got going is out of hand.”
Khaz laughed and let it go, and we finished our workouts talking about nothing. It wasn't until I was driving home that I thought about what I hadn't said back there. I'd been ready to put a man through a wall for calling her out of her name. That doesn’t fit a man who keeps his distance.
9/
the carter women gospel
alyssa
My mother was coming over.She had been at Simone and Raschad's for a week visiting and helping with the kids. She’d called and said she wanted to see my new place before she had to head back to Jersey.
She arrived in the afternoon with her purse and a Tupperware container.
“I made you some greens,” she said before she'd crossed the threshold. “I figured you don't have time to cook with everything you got going on.”
“Hi, Ma. Come in.”
I took the Tupperware and gave her a hug. She walked through the foyer and into the living room, then to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator. Closed it. Opened a few cabinets. Closed them. Walked onto the balcony, then back inside, peeked into the bathrooms, then down the hallway and looked into Micah's room, then into mine, and finally into the third room, which was, in fact, a home office.
She came back to the living room and sat on the couch. “Three bedrooms,” she said, mostly to herself.
“I needed an office.”
“Mm. You couldn't do that at the kitchen table? Save a few coins?”
“I could.”
