She had a child. Scandal. Debt too, I’d heard. She had a body that had been used, a name that had been in the news, a life that had been picked over by strangers on television. She had failed at her first marriage. She had lost her house. She had —
She had nothing.
She hadnothingthat I did not have. She hadlessthan I had. I was a woman with my own brand and my own following and my own income, and he had given her the only thing I had ever wanted from him.
What was the difference between her and me? I did not have an answer. I sat there and tried to think of an answer and the only answer that came to me was that there was no answer.
She was beautiful, but I was beautiful too. She was successful, but so was I. She seemed smart, but I was smart too.
She had a child, but a child was not a good thing to a single man with none of his own yet. A child was a thing in the way. A child was supposed to be the reason a man like Julian would not be available to a woman like her.
I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes and sat racking my brain.
I had not been wrong. Something else had happened. Something had beendoneto me byher. I had been the one to soften him. I was theone who had patience and who wore him down for years, pushing him to the space where he was open to more… open to love.
I had earned that from him and this bitch skipped her broken ass into town and stole him from me.
I sat in the dark, in the laundry room, shaking, and I waited for the morning.
52/
he can’t survive this twice
alyssa
I wokeup to the sound of Julian in the bathroom and his side of the bed empty with the covers thrown back. He came in a few minutes later in his running clothes, saw I was awake, and sat on the side of the bed with his hand on my hip.
“Go back to sleep, Lyss.”
“What time is it?”
“Five fifty-five. I’m only gonna run six miles, since I got a late start.”
“Mm.” I stretched.
He leaned down and tried to give me a kiss, but I turned my head to the side. “Nooo, my breath stinks, Julian.”
“I love your morning breath.” He leaned down again to give me a quick kiss, but I put my hand on the back of his head and held him there longer as he laughed into my mouth.
“I’d run with you, but I’m worn out.”
“Then I did my job.” He planted another kiss and stood, looking down at me. “Love you.” He smiled.
“Love you too.” I smiled back.
He walked out, and I heard the front door chime. I lay there a few minutes thinking about the night before, and felt butterflies and gratitude wash over me.
I got up, washed my face and brushed my teeth, pulled on one of his T-shirts and decided I’d make him breakfast for when he got back.
I padded to the kitchen and pulled the fruit out of the fridge, cantaloupe, strawberries, and a baby watermelon we’d bought at the farmer’s market the day before. I pulled out the board, and took the chef’s knife out of the drawer.
As I began cutting up the fruit, somewhere down the hall, I heard a door open. I didn’t turn around right away. I thought Julian had come back when I was in the bathroom, and I started to smile.
“Changed your mind, huh? I’m not the only one worn o—” I turned my head and there she was standing at the threshold of the kitchen. Sabrina West.
It took me a moment to process what I was looking at, because none of it belonged in there at six-forty in the morning.
She wore an ivory robe, loosely belted, exposing black lace underwear. She was barefoot, carrying a pair of heels by the straps in one hand, and a coat draped over the other. Her hair was flat against one side of her head and sticking out in places on the other. Her makeup had slid down under her eyes in two gray smudges. She looked ruined, standing in Julian’s home like she’d sprouted up from the floor.
