“Jada, hold on. I want to ask you something,” Jordan interrupted.
“Ask it.”
“If Julian was being slow to let her in. If he was the one who needed time to work through his shit. What would you be saying?”
“What kind of question is that? That’s not the same thing.”
“Why not?”
“Becauseshe’sthe one being given to. He is the one giving. The one being given to has to be… has to bereceptive.You cannot just keep throwing the gift back at him expecting him to keep handing it to you.”
“Mm.” Tamika hummed.
“So she has to be receptive. He does not have to be?”
“He isbeingreceptive.”
“I am not saying she shouldn’t take the car. I am saying we are looking at our sister, who has been through hell and back, telling her ‘hurry up and heal. The man is here. Be ready. Now!’”
Tamika took a breath. “It’s funny, when you say it out loud. We are telling her she needs to be healed because a good man is waiting for her. As if a good man is the reason a woman heals on demand and on his schedule. As if the healing isforhim. Nobody tells the man to hurry up and heal. We saygive him time. That’s how he is. Love him through it. Be his peace. He will get there.”
“You’re right,” Jada said. “I didn’t mean it like that, Lyss. I am sorry. I just love you, and you’ve been through so much. Now I see you with this good man, and I want itsobadfor you! So when you holding it back, I just get worried for you, that’s all. And I shouldn’t put that on you. That’s my fear. That’s not yours.”
“It’s my fear too, Jada.” I admitted. “He hasn’t given me one reason. Not one. He’s been exactly what you’d build if you sat down and designed a safe man. And I’m still looking for the catch. That’s not him. I know that’s not him. I just can’t find the part of me that knows how to stop looking.”
Jordan picked it up. “Can I tell you something I have been telling women on my podcast for years?”
“Yes.”
“You deserve the soft life.”
I closed my eyes.
“Youdeserveit, Alyssa. And youdon’thave to prove you earned it. You have done enough hard things. You havesurvivedenough hard things. You’ve not had one stretch of your life that was not survival. And now you found someone who istryingto give you the part where you don’t have to survive anymore. And your nervous system goesno thank you,because it has never had a category for somebody just giving you theeasy part. The only frame you have had: Manage. Control. Buy. Owe. Payback. Loss. Regret. Caution. Don’t get used to it.”
“I hear you. All of you. I do. But hearing it and living it are different addresses.” I dabbed at my eyes. “I’ll get there. I’m trying to get there.”
“It takes time to unlearn. Tamika has been doing this work inside a marriage. I have been doing it through my podcast, because I talk to women about these things every week and I cannot suggest they do work I’m not doing myself. You haven’t yet, because you haven’t had a reason to. You haven’t had the chance. You have a chance now.”
“He’s not Malik,” Jada added.
“I know he is not Malik.”
“Then take the car. Go fix it.”
“It’s a beautiful car,” I admitted. “I’ll apologize. And accept the car.”
“Thank you, Jesus! She’s got some sense left after all!” Jordan shouted and we all laughed.
28/
the most beautiful girl in the world
THIS CHAPTER HAS A SOUNDTRACK
U Send Me Swingin’by Mint Condition|Diamonds & Pearlsby Prince |The Most Beautiful Girl In The Worldby Prince |A.D.I.D.A.S.by Ro James
alyssa
