I couldn’t tell Levi I’d witnessed Naphele’s murder. He knew how she’d died. God, he’d probably found her lying in that pool of blood. I’d seen everything as an outsider, not a participant. If I reallywasNaphele’s reincarnation, then wouldn’t I have experienced all that firsthand? I’d focused on her, and instead of reliving a past life, I’d simply been brought in to witness someone else’s life. Though, I had felt a sharp, emotionalconnection toward her. It was almost like I was terrified for her, in a way that was more instinctual than simply being a bystander watching something horrifying. It didn’t matter, though. If what Rainier said was correct, then there was no connection.
I was both relieved and heartbroken—relieved that this was over and I had an answer, but heartbroken to know that Levi would still be trying to find Naphele, and any life we had together would be a half-life, a life where a dead woman would always be standing in the corner, unseen but holding sway over everything.
“I’m not her,” I said. “That’s what I saw, and it’s all you need to know.” I pulled away from Levi, turning to walk back to town.
“June, wait,” he called, but I didn’t turn back.
I had to take some time to figure out if I still wanted to work things out here or whether I should take Anders up on his offer and return home.
44
LEVIATHAN
Isat on my bed, my face buried in my hands, trying to come to terms with what we’d learned. June had rushed off, obviously upset about whatever had happened during the ritual, and I’d been unable to talk to her about it. I’d tried to rush after her, but Rainier had held me back.
“Give her time, bro,” he’d said. “She needs to sort all this out in her head.”
I rounded on him, irritated and heartbroken. “Are wesureshe’s not Naphele? Maybe there was a mistake or something.”
“I’m not a shaman or wizard, man. All I have is this old piece of paper and the stories my grandmother told me. But this is supposed to be the most accurate way to tell. Is it one hundred percent? No. But nothing is foolproof. All I can say is it’s a ninety-nine percent chance that June is not Naphele’s reincarnation.”
I hadn’t even bothered to respond. I’d stalked off to my cabin, a thousand questions burning through my mind. Now I sat on my bed, regret, shame, and confusion battling it out in my head.
After a while, I pulled my hands from my face and looked toward my closet. Naphele gazed back at me. Her painting wasilluminated by my bedside lamp. I needed someone to talk to. Someone to hear me out. I couldn’t think of anyone better.
“What do I do?” I asked her, my voice barely a whisper. “I love her. I…I think I love her as much as I loved you.” Tears stung the backs of my eyes. Even saying those words felt like a betrayal of a kind, but it was true.
“I’m terrified, though,” I said, dragging my hand across my eyes. “If I take her as my mate, what happens if I find you? What if you come back in someone else? How would I choose? Anything I decide feels like I’m giving up on someone, and I don’t want to.”
Naphele started back at me, the faint half smile forever on her lips. I peered into her eyes, the eyes I’d painted many years ago. A face that would live forever in my mind. That was when it hit me. Finally. I couldn’t keep pining after her, hoping and praying to find her reincarnation when I had love here and now. There was no way to know when orifshe would return. June was here. Now. I loved her, and shewasmy fated mate. If there was the slightest chance we could have a life together, I had to take it, didn’t I? It had been a hundred years, and Naphele hadn’t returned. What if it was another hundred? What if Rainier was right, and she alreadyhadcome back, but was living in Australia, England, or Nigeria? Some far-flung place where I would never come across her?
“Okay. All right. I get it.”
Kneeling, I ran a finger lovingly across the outline of Naphele’s jaw. “I choose June.”
With that, I drew a sheet over the picture, hiding Naphele’s face. It felt like turning a page. Part of me was relieved, but another part was stricken by terror and shame at the decision.
It was late, and June was probably in bed. I would wait until morning. I sat on my couch, staring into the darkness of the windows for hours. How could I possibly make June believe thatI wanted her more than I wanted to find Naphele? A deep, dark part of my mind still shouted out against this plan. That small piece of me would go on loving Naphele forever, would yearn to find her, but I’d done that for far too long. It was time to find a new way.
When the light in the east finally brightened the sky, I grabbed my coat and headed out. The town was still silent. The only sounds came from the kitchens where breakfast was being prepared. Staking out a spot by the door of the dining hall, I stuffed my hands in my pockets and waited, more thoughts churning through my head every second.
Roughly an hour later, I spotted June coming out of the bunkhouse with Linnea. As soon as I saw her, a cascade of emotion flooded through me. Understanding that she really was the one for me, anger that it had taken me this long to truly realize it, and sadness for what I was leaving behind. That sadness was overshadowed by the love I felt for her when she turned and locked her eyes on mine.
June stopped in her tracks. There was no smile on her lips, and a tremor of unease skittered through my stomach.
“Can you give us a second?” she asked Linnea. The other woman nodded and hurried off.
“Good morning,” I said.
“Morning,” June said, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Look, I obviously didn’t get the chance to say anything last night, but I wanted to tell you how proud I was of you. Learning to shift is huge. You were amazing.”
A hint of a smile shadowed her lips, and my heart leapt a bit. Maybe she hadn’t withdrawn from me completely.
“Thanks,” she muttered, tucking a hair behind her ear. “It was a little weird. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I kept, like, feeling and hearing my inner wolf.”
“It’ll be strange,” I admitted. “Especially with you connecting with her so late in life. I think it’s easier when you’re younger.”
