I wanted to retort, to argue, to tell him to shut his mouth and follow my orders because I was the alpha. The problem was, I wasn’t that kind of alpha. I’d chosen Rainier as my beta because he was a good man, a smart man. He could see the world better than I could, especially since I’d spent so much time in my wolf form over the decades.
“What’s the big picture?” I asked.
“It’s this pack,” Rainier responded. “You’ve brought all these people together to create something. You put a lot of work in, and you deserve to have love. You deserve June. You can’t forget that. All of us, including June, are part of this pack. Naphele is gone. That’s a fact you can’t deny.”
“I know that,” I said, a slight tremor in my voice as my anger gave way to guilt.
“Then why are you acting like this?” He asked.
Shame welled up inside me. “What if June isn’t Naphele’s reincarnation? What if it’s really true that she isn’t?”
“Is this still about you wanting a dead woman over a live one?” Rainier sounded almost disgusted at the thought.
I shook my head. “No, that’s not it,” I said, my shoulders sagging. “I’m still not sure either way. Not a hundred percent. One minute I see similarities, then the next I don’t. Like today. I’m ready to be with June. I want to be with her, whether she’s Naphele’s reincarnation or not. I can admit that.”
“Then what thehellis the problem?” Rainier asked. He held his hands out, and sounded exhausted.
“Because, if I’m with June, what happens if I find Naphele’sactualreincarnation? What then? When we see each other, the bond will be obvious. I can’t deny this mating bond I have with June; it’s too powerful not to be real, but I’m terrified I will stumble upon Naphele again. What happens then? Be with both? That’s cruel and unfair to all involved. I’m not doing that. I’d have to choose, and I don’t know if I could.”
“What you need to know,” Rainier said, “and it’s something I’ve thought but never told you, is that if Juneisn’tyour lost mate remade, then you mayneverfind her. You and I know how fickle reincarnation is. For all you know, she could have been reincarnated in China, or the middle of Africa. If that’s true, the odds of you two running across each other would basically be impossible.”
“But we loved each other so much,” I said, and I was angry that my eyes stung with tears. “If I died first, I know my soul would have done anything to stay near her, to seek her out and be reborn somewhere near her.”
Rainier gave me a pitying look. “Levi, if it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be. Maybe you aren’t meant to find her in this lifetime. Maybe it’ll be the next, or the one after, or ten lifetimes later. You have June now. You have her, and the chance to actually live your life, rather than running through the forest in your wolf form every day,waitingfor something to happen when it already did.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but a sharp knock on the door interrupted me. Heaving a sigh, I stood and went to answer it. Brianna, a woman I’d rescued a few years ago, stood on my porch.
“Yes?” I said.
“I came to tell you about Eugenia and June,” she said.
A flutter of fear roiled in my stomach. “What about them?”
“The challenge has been set. Tomorrow at dusk.”
So soon? It made sense. Eugenia would want to force the issue as soon as possible. I still hadn’t figured out what to do if she won. It was a lawful challenge, and by winning, I’d be obligated—though not forced—to take her as my mate. And if I chose not to, the pack would more than likely splinter.
“Okay, where will it be? I’ll try to get there early,” I said.
Brianna blinked at me in confusion. “Uh…you won’t be there.”
“She’s right,” Rainier said from behind me. “This isn’t an alpha challenge where the whole pack is there. A mate challenge is only witnessed by the women of the pack.”
“Shit.” I’d forgotten that. “All right. Thank you, Brianna.”
When I closed the door, a whole new fear had begun to take hold in my stomach. I looked at Rainier, hoping for some solace, or a kind word, but he looked as terrified as I felt.
39
JUNIPER
Linnea tried to get me to eat that night and the next morning, but I was too nervous. My stomach twisted into knots every few seconds, and nausea roiled in my gut. Even drinking water was difficult. Sleep had been impossible to come by as the looming fight pushed away any possibility of resting.
Once I’d been told about the time of the fight, the hours started ticking by like seconds. The speed made me dizzy. Nothing I did managed to slow it down.
Too worried to do chores, too stressed to continue training, I spent most of the day closed up in my room. I needed the time and silence to mentally prepare myself, and I didn’t want to face EugeniaorLevi—Eugenia because I was sure she’d do or say something to intimidate me even more; Levi, because I was worried he’d talk me out of this. With my anxiety so amped up, I truly feared I’d buckle and allow him to take this burden from my shoulders.
Early in the afternoon, the sound of hollow, heavy bootthudswere in the hall outside my door. By the heaviness of the steps, there was only one person it could be. Levi. I stared at the door,waiting for him to knock. Part of me hoping he would, and another part desperately praying he wouldn’t.
