“I’m fine,” I grit out. This time, I’m the one who’s unable to look at him. I feel like an idiot for wanting to kisshim so desperately, and for throwing a tantrum now that one of us has come to his senses.
Rowan is probably speechless at how childish I can be and doesn’t reply. The only sound in the room is our instructor encouraging us on the round they’re currently on.
His encouragement is pissing me off at this moment. His voice is pissing me off so much that I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach another video from him again.
There’s still silence from Rowan, and I manage a peek at him. He’s watching me with dark eyes, and now I’m too far to see the shifts of color in them.
“I’m gonna get out of your hair,” he says quietly.
“Wait, what? You’re leaving? Just like that?”
He nods. “I think it’s best if we spend some time apart to cool down. I’ll be back later to escort you to visit Ethel.”
I’m stunned. Never did I think he would just run away with his tail between his legs. Worst of all, I don’t want him to leave me alone like this, but I can’t find the courage to voice it.
“You’re going to bleed if you keep chewing on your lip like that,” he says softly, and the care in his tone kills me.
I hadn’t even realized I was chewing on it, but the instant he points it out, I register the pain and taste of copper from where my teeth broke skin.
I want to scream at him to stop confusing me. He can’t show me care, then push me away like I mean nothing. He needs to pick one, but I don’t say that because I know the one he’ll choose is not the one I want.
“See, you’re bleeding. I’ll get some—”
“I’m fine,” I say again.
Maybe if I say it enough, it’ll become true.
Rowan nods, and with one last look, turns and leaves the room. A few minutes later, I hear the ding of the elevator, and I know he’s gone.
I’m left sitting there, still feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
11
Rowan
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
I’ve spent the last ten minutes pacing my living room, berating myself.
Riley takes great pleasure in calling me an idiot, and I’ve never taken it to heart. I’m not the smartest Rangecroft, but I always considered myself to have a sound head onmy shoulders. Maybe she’s been right about me all along, because how could I do something as idiotic as kissing my client? How can I be stupid enough to want to do it again and again? To gethardfrom the kiss?
Don’t kid yourself. You were hard before he got his lips on you.
I’m mortified by my unprofessionalism. I have half a mind to call Price up and tell him to take me off the job. It would be the right thing to do, but I apparently have stopped giving a fuck about what’sright.
The truth of it all is that Idon’twant to stop being Milo’s guard. It’s a good job, well-paying, and Milo isn’t a jerk like some of my previous clients were.
Those are the reasons I’m using to rationalize my emotions, when in reality, I want to stay by Milo’s side. I want to keep him safe and happy. To help chase away the loneliness of being at the top, because nobody deserves to be alone, least of all Milo, whose job is literally bringing joy to others.
I’m a mess of contradictions, and I’m pissing even myself off, but I can’t escape the desire to see him happy. We were caught up in the moment, that’s all. Anyone would have the same reaction as I did if they had someone as hot as Milo on top of them. He’s undeniably sexy, and it’s been a while since I’ve gotten laid.
So, I take another half hour, or more, to settle myself and calm my head before returning to Milo’s place.
The cut on Milo’s bottom lip comes to mind and has me heading toward the closest pharmacy to buy him some ointment. I doubt he’s thought to put anything on it despite the bleeding, andI know he’s appearing on TV in a few days, so I get something that promotes healing.
I’m hesitant when I arrive at Milo’s building and park. I’m eager to see him again, but what am I supposed to say when I do? How am I supposed to act?
I flop over my steering wheel and stare out the windshield for a sign. None comes, of course, and I know I can’t keep delaying much longer.
