All three girls who died were described by their loved ones to be fighters.
One of the mothers refuses to believe that her daughter died without a fight. It’s believed that those who fought back ended up dead at Alex Watson’s hands.
When asked why they did not come forward sooner, the girls who survived said that Alex Watson had threatened to kill them if they ever breathed a word to anyone.
I pick up the remote and increase the volume on the TV. A reporter is listing the towns in which Alex attacked the victims. We had lived in each of them.
Not only that, but the dates when most of the attacks occurred were around the time when I lost our babies. Every time he disappeared, and I thought he was going to grieve on his own terms, he went out to hurt and kill innocent girls. Choosing to grieve in such a sick way makes me shudder.
When Alex convinced me to leave the towns behind and start over somewhere else, it was not because he wanted us to heal from the loss of our unborn children. He wanted to run away from the gruesome crimes he committed.
I mute the TV and focus on breathing. It doesn’t help. After several deep breaths, I still feel like I’m drowning.
“Are you okay?” my mother asks, watching me with a dishcloth in her hand.
“Mom, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.”
“You will be.” She comes to sit down next to me on the couch. “You’re a fighter, like your mother.” She folds the dishcloth on her lap. “When your father died, I didn’t think I could live. But I had to take care of you. I chose to live for you. Now I need you to fight. I need you to return the favor and live for me.”
“It’s so hard.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Hearing about all the things he did... It’s hard.”
“I know it is.” She takes my hand and squeezes it. Hers is damp from washing dishes.
My mother has changed so much over the years. She was never the kind of person who was particularly affectionate. She told me once that her parents never hugged her, and she turned out all right. But I now realize that I needed that, I needed to feel the closeness. Now that I do, it makes it that much easier to take the next breath.
“Thank you. Thank you for everything.” I close my eyes and lean into her. “When I lost my first baby, I needed you so much. I felt that you didn’t love me anymore.”
“You were wrong. I loved you. I never stopped. You are my child.” Her voice breaks with huskiness. “But I couldn’t come near you. He said if I did, he would hurt you.”
I lift my head from her shoulder. “Who? Alex?”
She nods and stares down at the dishcloth. “After I got your letter, I came looking for you. I wanted to help you through it.”
“You came to look for me?” It’s the first time I’m hearing of it.
“Yes, but Alex opened the door that day. He warned me that if I ever showed up in your life again, he would hurt you and make sure I ended up like my husband.”
“Oh, my God.” I lean back on the couch, my head spinning. “All this time I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“That’s not true. I wanted to beg you to come back home. I wrote you letters. When you didn’t respond to any of them, I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“I didn’t receive any letters. That means he got to them first. He got rid of them.” I pull my mother into my arms. “I’m so sorry for not listening to you. I made a big mistake. And I thought losing all those babies was punishment for what I did.” I sniff. “You said I would be cursed, and I believed it.”
“I’m sorry for saying that, my dear girl. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I was not a perfect mother, but I did my best.” She tightens her arms around my body.
“Thank you for looking out for me,” I say.
“I couldn’t stay away. When he turned me away that day, I promised myself that I would not leave you. Wherever you went, I went. Sometimes I returned here occasionally to make sure the house was fine, but I couldn’t leave you alone. I was afraid he was going to hurt you. Every day I prayed his sins would catch up with him and he would get what he deserves.”
“And he will,” I whisper. “He will rot in prison.” I pull away to look into her eyes. “I still don’t understand why you and Dad took that money, but I’ll find a way to.”
I’m not in the position to judge her, not anymore. The fact that my father was willing to go to prison means that they were struggling more than they made it look.
“It means a lot to hear you say that.” She presses her lips together to control her emotions. “One day when you have your own children, you’ll understand better why I made the decisions I made.”
When she says those words to me, I remember a little girl that I love and might never see again. So much has happened that I haven’t thought much about her.
Guilt stabs me in the chest. Lavinia’s last wish was for me to take care of her daughter, and I failed them both.
