“Nothing much. I just wanted to tell him a few things Lavinia said to me before she died.” I drop my hand from Alex’s arm. “He’s having a hard time in jail.”
“Well, jail isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park.”
“I’m so happy being behind bars didn’t damage you.” I put my palm on the side of his cheek and lean in to kiss him. It feels like coming home.
“It did. It kept me away from you and our—”
“Don’t,” I say before he reminds me of the baby. Then I press the heel of my palm hard against my forehead.
I can’t do this. Refusing to talk about it might make it harder for us to heal. We both lost a child. Maybe the reason he always disappeared after the failed pregnancies was because I wouldn’t speak to him about what happened.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry about the baby.”
“I’m sorry too.” He squeezes my hand. “You’re handling it so well this time.”
“I don’t think so. It’s not something you handle. You just learn to live with it, I guess.”
“Are you serious about wanting to adopt a child?” He tilts his head to the side. “You really don’t want to try again to have your own… our biological kids?”
I shake my head. “I’m probably not meant to be a biological mother. There are many women like me out there and they’ve adopted kids that they love as much as they would their own.”
He grins. “You will be the best mother, biological or not. We will be the best parents.”
I guess we do need the money that he wants to go after. If we decide to adopt, it can be an expensive process.
Instead of resenting him for doing what his mother wants, I’ll support him if it means that in the end things will be better than before.
After talking some more and getting things off our chests, we finally eat. The food is slightly cold, but we still enjoy it.
During dessert, Alex tells me that the apartment is mine to stay in until everything is arranged.
“Really?” I lift an eyebrow. “But I don’t need anything luxurious.”
“You do. With my mother in my life, I have access to a bit of money, and I want my wife to be comfortable. I never want you to suffer again.”
“Don’t think you can spoil me. I’m still going to look for a job. I’m not going to just depend on your mother’s money.”
“It’s not just my mother’s money. It’s my money too, remember?”
“I have a confession to make.” I take a deep breath. “Your mother gave me money to leave and never see you again.”
“She did what?” Alex drops his spoon into the chocolate mousse and pushes it away.
“Ten thousand dollars. She gave it to me the day I left.” I pause. “Please don’t be mad.”
I’ll tell him another time that I spent most of it on Lavinia’s funeral.
“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at her. Why would she do that?”
“I should have refused it, but I needed—”
“No, it’s good that you took it. It’s for the emotional distress she caused you.”
One of Alex’s phones rings and he answers right away, putting the conversation on speaker. It’s his mother updating him on her trip to Vienna and telling him how proud she is of him for convincing me to sign the divorce papers.
Alex plays along just as he planned to.
When the phone call ends, he smiles at me. “Everything is going according to plan. In a few months, we will be divorced. When we get married again, we’ll have a clean slate. And we can have the ceremony on a beautiful beach somewhere.”
