“Yeah, I am. And I understand.” The sadness in his tone says he doesn’t understand at all. “That doesn’t mean we can’t be parents. We can still have children. Even if they’re not our biological kids, we will raise them like our own.”
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I’m choosing to believe that what happened with Jenna was a lesson I needed to learn. Maybe God wanted to tell me that I had been trying too hard to get my own biological child, even though there are kids out there who need parents. Jenna is not my child, but I was still able to love her completely.
Trying to get pregnant and then trying even harder to keep a baby alive inside of me has caused so much agony and bruised our marriage in too many ways.
“Yes,” I say. “You’re right. We could adopt. I’m open to that.”
He exhales. “Good. With the money I’ll get, we’ll be able to give that child everything he or she needs.” His voice has thawed, and it’s now tinged with excitement. “Please sign the papers and send them over as soon as possible. Tomorrow I need you to go to Nashville. I have a surprise waiting for you. I’ll send you an address from a different number.”
Chapter 28
The morning after speaking to Alex, I receive a call from Carmen.
“I just want to let you know that Jenna is fine. We’re moving to New Orleans.”
I beg her to bring Jenna back and remind her that a baby would prevent her from traveling the world the way she likes to.
“She’s my grandchild. I love her and I will keep her.”
“And yet you never wanted to help take care of her? I did everything. You told me that the government will take care of her. It was clear that you didn’t want her, Carmen.”
“Well, I changed my mind. I’m ready to be her grandmother. Now that we’ve spent some time together, we kind of bonded. I was changing her diaper a few minutes ago, and she smiled at me. She reminded me so much of Lavinia when she was a baby.”
I grip the phone tight, my heart racing. “You didn’t really have a relationship with Lavinia.”
“Maybe not when she was an adult, but as a child, we were close.”
“I find that hard to believe. You said yourself she was raised by nannies. That means you have little experience taking care of a small child.”
The sound of Jenna crying in the background is killing me.
“Neither do you,” she says sharply. “How would you? You never had children of your own. I have to go. My granddaughter needs me.”
I hang up the phone and fume for the rest of the day. The only thing that cheers me up is knowing that Alex still loves me, that he wants to be together.
Since I talked to him yesterday, I’ve been confused. Soon after the call ended, I wanted to call him back and tell him to forget about the money, but I stopped myself. I know he’s right. We deserve a break.
I’m leaving for Nashville in half an hour.
I take less than ten minutes to stuff the few things I have into my suitcase. I won’t be taking any of Lavinia’s clothes. The only thing I’ll take is the car to get myself to Nashville.
Even though I’ve been appointed conservator of Lavinia’s house, I don’t feel comfortable living in it. I’ll take care of it from afar as best I can until Jenna grows up. She can decide what she wants to do with it when she’s older. I also won’t change anything in the house. I’ll cover up the furniture at some point. I’ll do everything possible to freeze the memories for as long as possible.
On the way to Nashville, I blast the music and try hard not to feel sorry for myself. I’m so fed up with being sad.
I arrive in Nashville not long after the sun starts going down. The directions Alex gave me lead me to the center of town.
The building is a block of apartments in a gated community.
When we talked, I asked if once I arrive in Nashville I should check into a hotel, but he talked me out of it. He must have rented me a room.
After parking in the private garage, I get out of the car without my luggage. I’m still unsure of what Alex’s plans are.
The lobby reminds me of a luxury hotel. It’s clean, glossy, and smells of flowers. I get into the glass elevator and head to the third floor. A minute later, I’m standing in front of door number 301.
A single knock and the door swings open. My eyes well up when Alex appears in front of me.
He pulls me inside and into his arms.
