Shoving down my pain, I fold up the papers and push them back into the envelope, then under the clothes in my suitcase, out of sight. Then I stand up, ready to leave the house.
I find Jenna lying on her back in her crib, sucking on one of her big toes. I put on a smile to cheer her up. To my delight, she gives me a gummy smile back.
It’s what I need to help me get through the day. I love that she’s getting used to having me around, but how will it impact her when I’m no longer allowed to take care of her? She’ll be losing yet another person who’s close to her.
We’ll deal with it when we get there. For now, I scoop her into my arms and hold her to me, giving her as much of my love as I can before she’s taken away.
I flinch when Carmen appears in the doorway. “She’s such a cutie,” she says while ruffling her hair to make it stand out even more.
I want to laugh. If Jenna is so cute, why won’t she hold her?
“I know,” I say. “She’s perfect.” I hold Jenna closer, my lips pressed to her head. I wish I could protect her from the world. “I wonder what will happen to her now that her mother’s dead and her father is in prison.”
“You shouldn’t be worried about that. The state has good enough systems to take care of babies in her situation.”
That’s it then. She’s not interested in her grandchild at all.
Fuming, I push past her with the baby in my arms. “I need to feed Jenna before we leave.”
I don’t speak to Carmen again until we leave for church, where I meet Drake Hoffmann outside in the yard.
He introduces himself and shakes both my hand and Carmen’s, extending his condolences.
Carmen tries to get him to speak about the will, but he brushes her off and tells me we will speak later.
The service is brief and only attended by a handful of mourners. Everything seems surreal, as though I’m having an out-of-body experience.
When we’re standing at the grave, I can barely hold it together as I watch the casket being lowered into the ground, followed by the leaves that have detached themselves from the branches above to join the soil that will forever bury Lavinia.
Overcome with grief, I place Jenna in Carmen’s arms without asking and hurry away toward the parked cars.
I stop in front of Lavinia’s red Ford Focus, which I’ve been using to get around. Before Alex and I left for the ranch, we ended my car lease early.
My eyes heat up when it hits me that Lavinia will never be able to drive her car again.
As I pace around it, someone calls me.
Drake Hoffmann. I didn’t notice him following me.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” He runs a hand over the bald patch on his head. “It’s a tragedy, what happened to your friend.”
“It is.” I press a tissue to my nose. “I wish there was something I could have done.”
Perhaps I shouldn’t have told Lavinia that I was coming. I should have surprised her. Maybe I would have been able to talk her out of ending her life.
“Mrs. Watson, I know this is a tough time for you, but do you think we can talk now?” Drake shifts from one foot to the other. “Or we could reschedule if you prefer.”
“No, it’s fine.” I push the tissue into my purse. “I was actually hoping you’d come with us to the house. We have a small brunch prepared.”
“Unfortunately, that won’t be possible. I have an urgent meeting to attend back in Nashville.”
I’m still grateful that he came this far to see me. So many people who knew Lavinia didn’t even show up. Just as well. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone about what happened. As the last person to see her alive, they would have wanted to ask me too many questions I don’t have answers to.
“Should we talk in the car?” I offer. “I could call Lavinia’s mother to join us.”
“No need.” He shakes his head. “What I have to say only concerns you. We’ll go to my car. I have the paperwork in there.”
In the distance, Carmen is struggling to hold a squirming Jenna in her arms. She’s watching us, but I ignore her.
