It rubs me the wrong way that her tone of voice is so devoid of emotion. Her daughter just died, for goodness’ sake.
I sit next to her and put my hands on my knees. Then I launch into the story of what happened on the day I will never forget for as long as I live. Before I can finish, she tells me she wants coffee.
“I’ll make you some.” I get up, shocked that she can even think about coffee while I’m talking about her daughter’s death.
“That’s fine. I prefer to make my own coffee.” She reaches into her handbag and pulls out a clear plastic bag filled with coffee powder. “I drink the real thing.”
She gets up from the couch and heads to the kitchen with me behind her. Talking about Lavinia’s death is hard, but her mother deserves to know even if she doesn’t look moved. Everyone grieves in their own way.
In the kitchen, I tell her about the results of the autopsy. It concluded that there were various deadly pills and alcohol in Lavinia’s system. She had died by suicide.
The day after Lavinia’s death, I found several bottles of pills in one of the pull-out drawers of her bed. They were empty. She must have swallowed the pills before she got in the bath, but my instinct tells me she climbed out and snuck into her room while I was busy in the kitchen. That would explain the water on the floor that had caused me to slip.
Knowing that she took her own life does not ease my guilt.
The truth remains that I left her in the tub for too long. If I had checked up on her several times, maybe I would’ve been able to call 911 sooner. Maybe the paramedics would have been able to save her life.
That alone makes me partly responsible for her death. It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
One thing I keep asking myself is whether Lavinia planned to kill herself while I was in her house. Her last words were that Jenna was safe with me around. That could have been a sign, and I missed it.
“Nonsense,” Carmen says when I’m done talking. “My daughter would never take her own life. She was always a happy girl, even though she was brought up by an imperfect mother. She loved life.”
Her words have more emotion now, but her eyes remain dry.
“That’s what I thought when they told me.”
The fact that Lavinia was so full of life was possibly the thing that drew me to her. When she walked into my life, she seemed like a breath of fresh air and helped me heal some of the wounds I carried around with me. She made me smile even through my tears.
I hate to believe she was in so much pain that she found no other way out than to take her own life. But it happened, and there’s no turning back the clock.
“Where’s her so-called husband?” Carmen asks when we return to the living room. “Where was he when my daughter was dying?”
I should have told her about Jeffrey on the phone. Right now, I don’t even know where to start. The faster I get the words out, the better.
“He’s in prison. He confessed to rape and murder.”
Carmen gawks at me. For the first time since she arrived, she’s speechless.
“The victim was a schoolgirl from Aston High school,” I continue. “Apparently, they also had an affair.”
“Murder and rape?” Carmen is clearly more shocked about what Jeffrey did than the death of her daughter.
I nod. “He’s still going to trial. There could be a different outcome.”
If Jeffrey had not confessed, I would still believe in his innocence. I’d still pray that he would be found not guilty so he can raise his daughter.
I tried contacting him in jail to let him know about Lavinia, but he refused to speak to me. Since Lavinia’s death was reported on the news, he probably knows already.
“That jerk!” Carmen slams her coffee on the side table so hard I fear the mug might break. “I always knew he wasn’t right for her. He had a wandering eye. I’ve had enough cheaters in my life to know one from miles away. But of course, Lavinia wouldn’t listen. She was so stubborn.”
Now it all makes sense. Lavinia’s mother didn’t want her to go through the same kind of pain she did, but Lavinia chose Jeffrey and shut out her mother.
Lavinia and I both chose love, no matter the consequences. We were more alike than we thought.
I’m not sure how to respond to Carmen’s comment. I didn’t know Jeffrey as well as she probably did.
There’s no doubt that he will pay for what he did. There’s enough evidence to send him to prison for a long time. But it pains me to think about what will happen to Jenna.
