Even though he said he only needs space to think, our last conversation felt more like a goodbye than a see you later. As soon as I leave his life, his mother will work hard to fill his mind with her poison, to convince him to let me go completely.
My mind takes me back to the LaChris, when Alex promised she would only be in our lives for a short time. I thought we were in it together, that we would make it through anything.
Every word he said to me was a lie. He could have protected me from his mother, but he didn’t.
I pull myself together and get dressed in one of my maternity skirts and a loose blouse. Then I pack. The tears continue to drip onto my hands and the clothes I’m folding. I did not go shopping for new clothes after the birth, so I only have my maternity clothes, a reminder of my failure.
Marcy must be at the stairs. Her voice drifts into the room, followed by May’s. I don’t know what they’re discussing. My guess is she’s giving May instructions on what she should do once I’m gone. Maybe they’re already planning the party.
When I remember what my mother went through with Marcy as her employer, my heart goes out to May. It was exhausting for my mother to meet the endless demands of a woman who was never satisfied.
We’d be having dinner or about to go to bed and Marcy would call because she needed something done immediately. One night, she asked my mother to go to the house to iron her underwear because she was planning a romantic evening with her husband. She never cared that my mother had her own life, that she had a family to take care of and a child to put to bed.
The only thing that mattered to Marcy was Marcy. Now she’s pretending that Alex is important to her. I don’t believe it for one second.
Done packing, I call Lavinia to let her know when I’ll be arriving. She doesn’t pick up the phone, so I type a text message.
After the first text goes through with the details of my journey, I send another.
Hang in there. We’ll get through this together, you and me. I’ll see you soon.
As I’m putting my phone in my purse, I notice the envelope May brought to me is still on the nightstand. I grab it and throw it on top of my clothes in the suitcase.
With the packed suitcase in one hand and my purse in the other, I scan the room from floor to ceiling. It’s one of the many rooms to witness my pain. I spent many hours all alone in this room, grieving everything I lost. Now I’m going on the search for another place to hide.
I don’t know if I’ll ever come back to the ranch. Every room will remind me of the words both Alex and his mother have said to me and the damage they caused.
The mirror above the fireplace draws me to it. Standing in front of it, I study my reflection. I don’t recognize myself. My eyes are blank, my skin pale and dry. My once beautiful hair is limp, the curls lifeless and dull. I might be imagining it, but it seems thinner than before I lost the baby.
I run a hand through my locks, and my fingers come away with a fistful of hair. I’ve never lost so much of my hair at once before. I stare at the ball of hair in the palm of my hand before throwing it into the trashcan.
It’s time to leave.
My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Marcy again. She must be downstairs now because I no longer hear her voice. I’m tempted to put on makeup to make me look like I wasn’t crying, but I can’t be bothered to. No amount of makeup can hide the pain I’m feeling.
On the way down the stairs, I slow down at the middle steps. I remember what happened a few days ago, the pain that had erupted in my belly that night, the pain that had stolen my baby.
But I won’t cry, not now.
When I make it to the bottom of the stairs, Marcy is standing there, waiting for me with a man I don’t recognize.
“This is Daniel.” She smiles. “He’ll drive you to the bus station.”
She did not get me a driver because she wants to be kind or to make it more convenient for me. She wants to make sure I’m really gone. I’m pretty sure the driver will wait until the bus drives off before calling to let her know I’m gone.
Chapter 21
My mother turned her back on me when I needed her most. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive her for that, but will I forgive myself if I don’t see her when Dallery is only a short bus ride from the ranch?
She’s still my mother. And no matter what she’s done, compared to Marcy, she’s a saint.
Now here I am about to step off the bus in the Dallery town square. My feet feel too heavy to move.
“Move it, lady,” someone says from behind me. She’s so close her breath tickles the back of my neck. “We don’t have all day.”
“Sorry.” I take a breath and move forward, taking the last step that gets me off the bus. Then I push through the throng of people until I reach a taxi stand. I keep my thoughts still until I’m in the backseat of a cab.
Unlike me, the cab driver is in a good mood.
