I take a sip of tea, but the liquid scalds my tongue. While I wait for it to cool, I get myself to the bathroom and into the shower.
It’s my first big step of the day.
I don’t have the energy to wash myself, but I remain standing under the jet of water, watching it disappear into the drain. If only it could also wash away the shame.
When my phone rings in the bedroom, I step out of the shower. Hoping it’s Alex, I throw on a white bathrobe, and walk back to the room, leaving dark, wet prints on the wooden floor.
My breath catches at the sound of a woman’s voice. It’s Lavinia, and she’s sobbing.
I sweep my troubles aside for a moment to be present for her.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” I ask.
Stupid question, Viola.Of course, she’s not okay. I talked to her last night, and she was struggling so much she could hardly get any words out.
“He confessed to everything,” she says when she catches her breath.
I lower myself onto the bed. “It can’t be. Why would he do that?”
“He said he commited the murder.” Her voice is eerily calm now. “I’m not going to the trial. My husband raped and killed an innocent girl, a child.”
“Lavinia, I’m so sorry.”
“So am I. And I feel so stupid for believing he didn’t do it.”
“You’re not stupid, sweetie.”
I don’t know what to do to ease her pain. If only I could reach through the phone to hold her. I wish I could tell her everything will be all right. But how could I know that? But I need to do something.
The thought comes to me in a flash.
The entire town is probably judging her right now, taking it out on her since Jeffrey is not there to take the brunt of the anger. Lavinia needs someone to stand by her as she stood by me when I needed her. I have to leave anyway. I’m not wanted on the ranch, or in Alex’s life.
“I’m sorry.” Lavinia blows her nose. “You have your own problems to deal with. And your baby... I feel terrible.” She breaks down again.
I bite down on my bottom lip to keep my emotions from spilling over. “Don’t feel bad. It is what it is.”
There’s no way I’ll let her carry my pain as well.
In the background, Jenna is screaming at the top of her lungs.
“You need to take care of you and Jenna. Stop worrying about me.”
“I don’t know how to do that, how to take care of her. When I look in my baby’s face, I see him.” She hiccups. “He cheated on me, Viola. He broke our marriage vows. He didn’t just rape that girl. He also had an affair with her.”
“What?” I close my eyes to better contain the shock. “How?”
Did he rape and kill Brittney because she wanted to end the affair? Even if I wanted to believe in his innocence, it’s getting harder the longer I talk to Lavinia.
“Before we got married,” Lavinia continues, “I told him I’d be able to handle anything fate throws at us, but not infidelity. I swore I’d never be that woman. My mom was married three times. All three marriages ended because they all cheated on her.”
Lavinia hasn’t been in touch with her mother for over seven years. After her third marriage ended, her mother took the large settlement from her rich husband and went to travel the world. Lavinia told me that the last time she heard from her was through a postcard from Machu Picchu with no return address.
“Who’s helping you with Jenna?” I ask.
I’d hate to think that she has to go through hell and still take care of a baby who doesn’t understand what her mother is going through. Lavinia still has to get up every morning and several times at night to feed the little person who depends on her.
“She was only a child,” Lavinia continues as if she didn’t hear my question. “She was someone’s baby girl. Even if he’s found not guilty of murder, he’ll still go to prison for sleeping with an underage child.”
