My dresses are still drying on the rack, so I actually dip into my old clothing before moving to the kitchen. The lights stay off—I’m not facing those pictures—and the window comes open.
That thin line in the sky sits off in the distance, proudly above us. Beautiful beyond what is human.
“Great Ring…” I slow down and take a breath of the cool night air, distant laughter echoing from a nearby street while an old steam car coughs. “Great Ring, Mistress Vincenza told me that you brought me to her. I know I didn’t… I didn’t intend. Not for anything. I just took the way that seemed longest. Did you design that? Make the world just perfect so that I’d end up here? Was I her perfect apprentice?”
The Ring shines no brighter, no lesser.
Cautious not to let myself be heard by anyone else, I cut my voice a quarter. “It’s hard to feel perfect, sometimes. I don’t knowanythingabout who Mistress Vincenza loved in the past, but my heart wants to tell me that she had perfection. A perfect love. A perfect life. Where do I come in then? Why did someone have to die, have their perfect life ruined, and then… it’s me?
“I can’t even be the same thing for her. I’ll just be an apprentice. Do I help her find the person that will be? Is that what you want of me? I—Why was it just one of them that died? They both made the same mistake that you thought worthy of death. How come only some suffer it?
“But why—oh why… fucking why? Why do I feel so close to you when I touch her? You’re infinite and beautiful and could belong to everyone. What of my brothers makes them unworthy to touch you? What makes the Ringborn better? Nothing I could do would make me one—“ A chill falls down me.
Doubts cloud my mind. Strange doubts. I look down into the streets, suddenly wondering if that laughter was there or… something from a long time ago.
I slip down to my knees, leaving my chin on the sill. “I’m sorry, Great Ring. I shouldn’t be demanding answers for those. I love you. I’ll serve you forever. Tell me what to do to be happy, and I’ll do it. I’ll trust you.”
I catch my eyes staring at a steeple. Strings of lights keep it on display for everyone.
It’s not something I can know for sure, but I have to believe the Ring was why my eyes wandered. And if it made me stare at the church, then that must be where I go—with Mistress Vincenza. She asked me before; she might want to visitwith me. Then we can both find answers. If not from the Great Ring, then from its most loyal and educated servants.
“Thank you, Great Ring.”
I miss her.
I don’t know what I mean by that, but I do. She doesn’t even come out to introduce me to the day, just instead going straight to her office.
No opportunity for us to talk.
“Thank you.” I take the book from a patron, leaving it to my side for later.
The patron keeps looking at me.
“Uh, that was it. You can go.”
“Oh. That’s convenient.” She walks into the mess of shelves.
I drop my head into the table. My mind can’t get focused enough to read, but I needsomethingso that I can stop thinking about her.
Maybe I can ask her to let me play the radio down here. Maybe we can talk about the stations she likes. Maybe one has great instrumental music for reading—or Lawrinian lyrics that I couldn’t decipher anyway. Maybe we’ll listen to it together…
And, fuck me, I’m thinking about her again.
That’s friendly! That’s kindly! I shouldn’t be imposing anything romantic on something as simple as sharing music interests.
Or, is friendliness the problem? Should we not be friends—that devastates my heart even more to think. I’m not working any worse than when we were strangers, and pursuing necromancy would be so convenient if I didn’t need to deal with dating.
Can’t friendly hugging work?
“Can I get this one?” The woman comes back, timidly placing down a smut novel.
I glance the title:The Succubus’s Admirer. “Oh, I loved that one.”
Not. The. Right. Thing. To. Say. Fuck.
“I—D-do you have a patron card?” I awkwardly ask.
“No. Do Ineed one?”
