Hanna doesn’t pull her hand away from me after I’m up; instead, she reaffirms its grip on me. “May I hold your hand?”
“Sure…” Deep breath. Just this and a kiss, and I’ll make Mistress Vincenza proud.
“Did you know that this was supposed to bemydate?“ Lucia muses to Hanna.
“You just lack a surgeon’s finesse with women,” Hanna teases.
“You’ve actually done surgery?”
“Some whores can’t affordlicensedsurgeons. Not because of money, of course.”
“It helps when their doctor accepts alternative forms of payment.”
Hanna sighs. “My girlfriend doesn’t let me sleep around with them anymore. Remind me to call her up before you try sticking your hand down my pants.”
Something stings in me.
I knew, far in the back of my head, that of course she had someone she actually cared for romantically. She can’t truly love each random woman who passes her a few hundred crescents for sex.
I wasn’t ever going to be different.
But I think I wanted to.
I think it felt easier to imagine a kiss after an ‘I love you.’ Sex after I confided my worst secrets. After I felt that I knew her.
That closeness, was it always so far?
The thought closing in on me as we tread the mud… is that I’m not distressed. I’m not surprised. I wanted to have a romance, but I don’t think I truly thought we could. She’s nice, and lovely, but I’m not sure where we would’ve fit together as anything other than patron and consort.
I’ve grown aware of just how uncomfortable my hand is in hers, yet it feels easier to breathe now that I can give up. I can give up.
I’d only disappoint Mistress Vincenza.
Never mind. Not easier to breathe. Not easier at all.
“Stand here.” Lucia puts her hands on Hanna’s hips. Once Hanna’s still, Lucia holds out her arm, taking ten steps to the right while keeping it pointed at… a dugout? “I think we’re one fifty out.”
“How often do you do this?” Hanna asks.
“I sometimes moonlight as a spotter on merchant guard ships.” Lucia brushes back her hair nonchalantly.
“A near soldier, a near surgeon, and a near necromancer? We’re quite the squad.” Hanna laughs while flicking her hand. The air chills; the ambience dies. “Permission to fire, lady of the merchant guard?”
“Wait a minute. I’m not trashing my ears.” Lucia pullsout a wad of cotton and starts picking it apart.
“I can cancel outallsounds if you really don’t want to go deaf.”
“We do need to summon the ghoulseventually.”
Let me try. I should try. I could do it. I will summon all of them.
I toss my head to the side. My jaw is in pain from being clenched. My mouth is drying out.
“You’re cold!” Hanna drops my hand.
I lift my eyes. “Can I try to summon them?”
Hanna shrugs and signs, ‘sure.‘
