Except something feels off.
He stabs a worm through the hook. “But you never know what people are really going through.”
It’s a knife twisting between my ribs as I think about everything I’ve kept from him. I lean into his side again.
“No. You really don’t.”
Thirty-One
CADE
Blueand black ink stain my hands. It’s all over my knees and my forearms, too. From where I stand in the center of the room, I’m surrounded by an array of blurry, half-finished paintings— some even on napkins after I ran out of paper. A pile of cigarettes sits on the windowsill, the humid night doing jack shit to air out the smoke.
The paintbrush falls from my fingers. Sweat drips down my naked chest. My eyelids droop. I don’t know how long I’ve been at it. I’m exhausted, but if I stop…
It’s too late.
I slam my hands over my ears. “Shut up, shut up, shut UP.”
You know what you have to do. You have to finish what I started.
My eyes sting. My teeth chatter. The bile in my empty stomach rises up my esophagus.
“I don’t want to,” I whisper.
It’s the only way.
I’m shaking my head. The room streaks. Hot tears track down my cheeks. Lead weights are attached to my ankles. I fight each step toward the bathroom. I think I’m hyperventilating. Ishould’ve called Dr. Bedi’s emergency line yesterday. Or maybe it was the day before?
Now, Cade. It’s time.
“No, no, please,” I hear myself whimper as she starts chanting. “I’ll be good. I'll control it better. We don't have to do this.”
Sunt mala quae libas. Nunquam suade mihi vana. Ipse venena bibas!
I open the door?—
Suddenly, all I can hear is running water.
Warm, bright light makes me squint. The sink faucet. It’s on. The muscular figure of my stepbrother at the counter comes into focus. A toothbrush sticks out of his mouth. He twists to look at me; a drop of white foam falls onto his firm pec.
His brows knit as he scans me.
I glance in the mirror.
Purple bags hang under my eyes. Shadows emphasize my ribs. My skin is grey and splotched with paint. I look like an animated corpse.
“And that’s being generous,” I snicker.
He spits in the sink and drops his toothbrush. “What is?”
I blink. “Huh?”
Now he looks concerned. “Are you on something?”
A laugh punches out of me. “I wish.”
“You’re not eating again.” He says it like a fact, which it is, but he hasn’t been around to notice. His jaw ticks when I don’t answer, but really, I’m just soaking in the silence. The inside of my head has been vacuumed out. I wait to see if she speaks. She doesn’t. Never in Sebastian’s presence. A lazy smile tugs at my lips.
