It cracks through my defenses and I laugh. Taking a reasonably sized gulp of her new drink, a mischievous spark dances in her deep brown eyes.
“Who topped who?”
I jab her side, face heating at the unwarranted fantasies flying through my brain.
“We haven’t fucked.”
She squints. “But you’ve fooled around.” I open my mouth. Close it. Blush like a fucking dumbass. A wicked grin forms on her lips. “That good with him, huh?”
Covering my face, I groan, “I’ve never come harder in my life. I’m fucking screwed.”
She bursts into laughter— the raspy kind from deep in her chest. A small hand peels one of mine off my face.
“Oh Rem, what am I gonna do with you?” she sighs, thumb smoothing over my knuckles affectionately. “You guys talk about what happened yet?”
I shake my head. “Not exactly, but he keeps saying I wasn’t the reason he left… and I think I believe him.”
Her head tilts, a lock of red streaked hair tickling her chin. She doesn’t say, “I told you,” despite having the right. She’s been telling me so much for years but I always assumed it was to placate me. Nowshame creeps into my heated cheeks. I should’ve trusted her not to blow smoke up my ass.
“What convinced you?”
I stir my drink, debating how to answer. Instead, I ask, “Did you know Jessica bullied him?”
Brown eyes round. “A-a lot of people did.” She pauses, fiddling with the little umbrella hanging off the lip of her drink. “This place isn’t known for being the most…welcoming.”
Tequila burns as it rises in the back of my throat. My fingers pinch the soggy napkin under my glass.
“Was I that blind?”
She shifts on her stool. “You were going through shit. It’s not—”
“Don’t say it. I’m tired of everyone passing the blame off me. I was selfish and in denial.” There’s a sharp ache beneath my ribs growing larger by the minute. “They found out, didn't they?”
Eyeing me wearily, she tongues her cheek. “Found out what?”
“That he’s gay.”
She freezes.
It’s enough to tip over the vat of anger welling within.
“Where the hell was I?” I whisper. “I begged and begged to be out with him but he refused because they were bullying him for it, weren't they?” At her silence, my fury changes targets. “You knew and you never brought it to my attention. Ever. Even when I was searching desperately for answers, you didn’t think to tell me that could’ve been a fucking factor?”
“Rem—”
“No, I don’t want to hear how I was too fragile— too sick to handle it. Because guess what? The result would’ve been the same, Drea. My heart was fucking obliterated regardless.”
I shove away from the bar, digging out my wallet when her fingers wrap around my wrist.
“I promised him.”
It’s my turn to freeze.
Glassy lined eyes plead for me to understand as I battle the urge to cut her to the bone. To unleash this violent creature clawing at my insides. To shred her the way these revelations are shredding me. It’s wrong to want to transfer this pain onto her.
But Iwantto. I want to so fucking bad.
“I caught them one day… harassing him. He didn’t want you to know and I only agreed when he promised to tell me if it got worse. He never said anything about it again and I… I should’ve told you but I wasn’t sure that was the reason.”
