“I’m really tired,” Risking the guilt trip, I barreled on, “I’m going to nap and unpack. I have a busy day tomorrow.”
Vince's grip tightened before he deflated. “You’realwaystired,” he grumbled. I said nothing, taking advantage of the momentary loosening of his arms to slink from his embrace and begin unpacking my bed sheets. “Fine,” he whined, “Tomorrow?”
I nodded once to shut him up. With a big grin, he tugged me back for a kiss. His tongue stabbed through the seam of my lips; reluctantly I allowed his invasion, tasting something sour. When he finally released me, sticky spit covered my mouth. I didn’t dare wipe it off. He back handed me the first and only time I did.
“Are you disgusted by me?”he’d roared. I cried and promised that wasn’t true. Eventually he moved on and I learned better.
“I love you, doll,” he crooned.
“Love you too,” I murmured like a good little parrot. Did I love him? I didn’t know. Was love being there for someone? He was there for me more than anyone in my life so rightfully I was there for him. I should’ve been grateful to have someone who wouldn’t abandon me. Even so, I exhaled deeply as soon as he left.
My eyelids fluttered, a familiar milky white fog descending as my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth. Stumbling to the unmade bed, I collapsed under a vision.
“Then fucking tell me, Ollie.”
My voice rings out in desperation, strained as if anger will shred the lining of my throat. We're standing so close, and my hands are on his face as his stubble prickles against my palms. His mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Eternity drags on as we stand there- eyes like liquid silver, swirling and glowing with emotions so strong my chest aches. His breathing evens out, though it does nothing to calm the panic writhing within me.
“I’m not a good person. I’m not the person you want or need or deserve.”
Gasping, I crashed back into myself as the imprint of glowing silver eyes burned into my brain. My phantom was real- soreal. I broke out in violent tremors. That wasn’t what terrified me the most. In all of my visions of him, I never learned his name.
It triggered something in the center of my chest, like a screw rattling looser and looser, finally breaking free and allowing a vacuum sealed chamber to explode. I curled in on myself and whispered his name.
“Ollie.”
2
Ollie
Ifuckedup.
Royally.
But what else was new?
Maybe it was the tequila shots that tipped me over the edge last night. Maybe I was still thizzing on the ecstasy I stole from my roommate, Marty. Or maybe I was just horny. Regardless, I ended up in Miranda Kilgalon’s shower with her mouth around my dick.
I didn’t remember going back to her dorm room. Had I fucked her too? I didn’t see a condom, but I didn’t linger after the shower- one I intended to take alone after waking up in her bed of all places. She followed me and instantly dropped to her knees. Like I was going to say no. I mean, she’d been begging for my cock all summer.
My scholarship required summer admittance; I started with a group of pre-med and the majority of freshmen who didn’t get accepted for fall term. The idea of living in cramped shared rooms, surrounded by other people’s projected thoughts broke me out in hives, so I elected for a solo room. When I found out they assigned me to a shared dorm anyway, I was pissed.
Wiping my slightly damp hair out of my face, I slipped out the side door to the smoker hang-out. A mosquito landed on my arm, stabbing its needle mouth into my inked skin. I glared at it, eyes burning and icing.
The vampire bug exploded.
Grimacing, I propped a cigarette in the corner of my mouth, lit up with my lucky lighter and took a drag. Smoke swirled in the air-
A shadow against the TV’s white static. A cigar hanging from his mouth- he was terribly tall. His lips moved to words I didn’t understand. Hands, large and callused, waved. Screaming at me. I cowered, his hand coming at me so fast-
My back slammed into the wall, my cigarette and lighter falling. Each breath constricted the noose around my throat.
“My guy, I’ve been looking everywhere for your ass.”
I sagged in relief at the sight of my roommate and only friend since starting at UFWC. Sinceever, really. Jack’s golden brown hair stuck out of a white backwards hat, navy eyes blackened with suspicion as he flung his arms out.
“Speak monkey! Where the hell did you go last night?”
Kill me now.
