“All right,” he said stiffly. “I’ll leave ye in peace, Bry.”
But even as he turned and disappeared into the shadows, Lachlan knew that he’d be back. When the hurt settled and the pain wasn’t so fresh and they could have that civil discussion without fearing for his poor bollocks, he’d return.
Brynne wasn’t a prize he was keen on giving up.
No matter how much time it took to win her back.
Chapter Twenty
Present Day
Hawkridge Manor
“Iremember everything.”As the past and the present converged to form a lump in Brynne’s throat, she swallowed with difficulty and forced herself to look directly into Lachlan’s eyes. She owed him that for what she’d said. For her part in the pain they’d caused each other. For her side of the marriage that had failed.
Because it wasn’t just him.
It wasneverjust him.
And she was a coward for letting herself pretend otherwise for the past eighteen months.
Gazing at him kneeling in front of her, she wished (oh, how she wished) that they’d guarded their words more carefully. That they’d practiced more kindness. Not only with each other, but with themselves. And while she couldn’t go back and change the past, she was determined to take responsibility for it.
“I was wrong, Lachlan.” She put her hand on top of his. “About so many things. I should never have kept our marriage a secret from my family. It wasn’t something to hide, it was something to be celebrated. And I should have listened to you that morning by the cliff. I was hurt, and angry, and I lashed out.”
“Ye had good reason tae. Had I walked in and seen what ye had, I would’ve reacted much the same.” His mouth twisted in a humorless smile. “After I broke both of the bastard’s legs, that is. But I should have told ye about what ye would be walking intae when ye married me. Thetruestate of things; not what I hoped one day for them tae be. The castle, and the children, and the distillery not yet turning a profit.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “Webothcould have been more honest with each other. We both should have been. But in the end, my most horrible day with you was better than any day spent without you. Over these past eleven years, you’ve always been where I needed you, Lachlan. When I needed you most. You helped me become a stronger woman, capable of more than I ever thought possible.” The corners of her lips curved. “Certainly, I never envisioned myself retrieving toads from the rafters or changing nappies in the middle of the night.”
“Aye, and it’s a wonderful mother ye will make when the times comes.” Again his gaze dropped to her belly, but this time it was with warmth instead of fear. “But ye are wrong about one thing. This isna the end, little bird. It’s just the beginning. For ye, and for me. Forus.” He lifted her hand. Kissed the back of it. “We can start again. Knowing what we do now, there’ll be nothing tae stand in our way that we canna overcome together.”
How tempted she was. But just as she couldn’t change the past, neither would she allow herself to forget it…or the lessons it had taught her.
That sometimes loneliness was better.
That pain, even with one you loved, was inevitable.
And that you couldn’t lose your heart if you didn’t give it away.
It was ironic, really.
Over the course of the house party, she’d urged Weston over and over again to seek out Evelyn Thorncroft because she’d seen the possibility of love between them. She had toldhimto risk everything for the sake of happily-ever-after, and if the letter he’d sent her was any indication, it had worked out splendidly. But she wasn’t going to follow her own advice for the same reason that she didn’t wear chartreuse despite recommending the color to Lady Nelson.
What worked for one person didn’t necessarily work for another. Having pieced together a broken heart once, she wasn’t keen to do it a second time.
Logically, she understood that there was no guarantee she and Lachlan would end up destroying each other again. However, there was also no guarantee that theywouldn’t. Which was why this time…this time, she was going to take the safer path.
“I am having my solicitor go forward with the judicial separation, Lachlan.” When he stiffened, she tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, but her arm was knocked aside when he surged to his feet.
“Why the devil would ye do that?” he scowled, a shadow rippling across the rigid set of his jaw as he took a step back.
“Because that’s what we are.” Wanting even footing for what was to come, she rose as well, and took a measured breath meant to both calm any lingering anxiety and reassure herself that she was doing what needed to be done. What was right. What wasnecessary. And while Lachlan likely wouldn’t thank her for it now, he’d eventually realize–as she had–that they were better off apart. “We are separated. We’vebeenseparated. This will just…make if official.”
“I dinnawanttae make it official.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I dinnawanttae be separate any longer. That’s why I came here. Tae make amends. Tae sort what needed tae be sorted. And we did. We have. I’m sorry for the mistakes I made, Bry. For the missteps I took. I’m not a perfect man–”
“You don’t have to be perfect. That is not what I’m asking.”
“Then whatareye asking?”
