The duke lifted a cool brow. “Thank you. Given that the detective I hired has done bugger all to clear my name, I need whatever reprieve I can get.”
Guilt filled Kincaid. “I am sorry. I…” Removing his spectacles, he buried his head in his hands and groaned. “I’m a bloody mess.”
“That much is obvious. Care for a nip of that scotch, now?”
Blindly, he reached for the flask and raised it to his mouth. “I fucked it up,” he said before he took a long swallow and handed the liquor back.
“Fucked what up?”
“Everything.” The carriage rolled to a halt. They’d reached their destination, but neither man made an attempt to disembark. “From the start, I told myself not to get involved with Joanna. Iknewhow it was going to end. Along the way, something changed, and I…I saw a future between us. How, when, it didn’t matter. I saw it. It was there. Then I spoke with Lavinia—”
“LaviniaLavinia?” Sterling interjected. “The blonde bitch who enjoys yanking the wings off of flies just to watch them squirm? You’re the fly in that analogy, by the by.”
Kincaid pinched the bridge of his nose and then sat back, letting his head fall against the seat with a softthud. “I know.”
“Tell me you didn’t listen to a word that scheming harlot said.”
He closed his eyes.
Sterling cursed under his breath.
“Goddamnit, man. You let her get inside your headagain?”
“She raised some valid points,” Kincaid defended.
“Did she? Or did she merely say what you wanted to hear?”
“I didn’t…I don’t…Bloody hell.”
Sterling was right. He’d listened to Lavinia because shehadtold him what he wanted to hear. Not on the surface, but down deep. Where the keystone to the wall he’d built around his heart was buried. He’d listened to her because it had been easier than embracing the alternative. He’d listened to her because he was still afraid.
Afraid of losing his heart.
Afraid of losinghimself.
But was that not what he’d done when he watched the brightness dim in Joanna’s eyes?
He had put that hurt inside of her.
He had taken away her smile.
He had…he had done to Joanna what Lavinia had done to him.
The realization hit Kincaid like a brick to the face.
Mentally reeling, he grabbed Sterling’s flask again and gulped it down.
Joanna wasn’t better off without him.
And he sure as hell wasn’t better off withouther.
She challenged him in ways that no one else ever had. Because no one else knew him like she did. Joannasawhim. The good and the bad. The light and the dark. She loved him despite his flaws and his imperfections. She loved him even though he’d done everything in his power to keep her at arm’s length.
Shelovedhim.
Without reservation.
Without ulterior motives.
