That night when it happened—.
No. No, she wouldn’t think of it. Shecouldn’t.
That part of her life was over. She’d ended it when she accepted Ambrose’s proposal... and unwittingly swapped one type of prison for another.
“He hasn’t been here in months,” she said, meeting Kitty’s gaze over the rim of her glass. “I can barely recall the last time that we exchanged more than a handful of words. I’m sure he has a mistress in London. It’s where he spends most of his time.”
“I’m sure he does,” Kitty shrugged. “They all do.”
“Even William?” she asked, referring to her sister’s husband of six months.
Kitty’s face went blank, like a page being turned over. “I didn’t come here to discuss William. I came here to find out why the entiretonis buzzing with news of your impending dalliance. You cannotseriouslybe considering taking a lover, Mara.”
She looked away. “Would that be so inconceivable?”
“For me and most of the women of my acquaintance?” Her sister shook her head. “No. But foryou? Yes. Don’t you remember all of those times that you scolded me for climbing out the window? You’ve never met a rule that you didn’t want to follow, and now you want to have an illicit affair? Whoever started this rumor has obviously never met you.”
No, they probably hadn’t. Aside from Kitty, she didn’t have any close friends. And even then, sometimes Kitty felt more like an adversary than a confidant. She often grew weary of her sister’s combative nature, but who else did she have to talk to, if not Kitty? No one else cared enough to come visit her.
Not even her own husband.
Inwardly bracing herself, she took another sip of lemonade. It was sweet on her tongue. So sweet that it made her want to throw up. Or maybe that was just her own nerves.
“But what if... what if it’s true?” she said.
“What’s true?” Kitty asked, wandering over to a shelf and picking up a crystal sculpture of a lotus flower; it was but one of a hundred wedding presents that had been dropped off at the castle after Ambrose made it clear he didn’t want them littering his residence in London.
“The rumor.”
Tossing the crystal flower from one hand to the other, Kitty laughed. “Don’t be absurd. You wouldn’t.” Then she glanced over her shoulder at Mara’s face and her eyes widened. “Tell me you wouldn’t. If Southwick found out—”
“I didn’t tell anyone. There’s no one heretotell.” She rose from her seat and poured herself more lemonade, more out of anxious habit than any desire to drink. When she offered to do the same for Kitty, her sister shook her head again and frowned.
“You must have told someone, because it’s all that anyone is talking about. It’s only a matter of time before your husband finds out. Mara, this isnothow affairs are done. You’re supposed to makesomeattempt at discretion.”
“I had planned to makeallthe attempts! I didn’t want people to know, least of all Ambrose.” The mere idea of her husband being cognizant of what she was planning filled her with dread. She could already picture his reaction. Those icy blue eyes raking across her with thinly veiled contempt. The disapproving pulse of his jaw.“Another disappointment, Marabelle. Why am I not surprised?”
“I’m just so lonely, Kitty,” she said despairingly. “Trapped here in this large, empty house all on my own. I want companionship. I want to discuss my day. I want to fall asleep next to someone at night.” She squeezed her eyes shut as the truth was squeezed from her. “I want someone to know that I exist.”
“Iknow that you exist, and this house isn’t empty, Mara. It’s filled to the brim with furniture, clothes, paintings, jewels! Why, look at that diamond pendant around your neck. It’s enormous,” said Kitty, not bothering to hide her envy. “You have everything we ever dared dream of, and you want to risk it all for what? Some nameless lover who will keep you entertained for the span of a few weeks before Southwick has every bone in his body broken and you banished to some cottage in Scotland, never to be seen or heard from again? Don’t be absurd.”
“It’s not absurdity to want attention, and Ambrose isn’t going to care. He hasn’t cared about anything else I’ve done for more than a year and a half, or even bothered to inquire into my well-being since Christmas. I could be dying or dead, for all he knows.” When bitterness threatened to creep into her tone, she swallowed it down. This was exactly why she wanted to seek out a male companion. So that shedidn’tbecome hard, resentful, and discontented. So she didn’t become... well, so she didn’t become like her husband. “You said it yourself. Women in our situations have affairs all the time. It’s practically expected.”
“Yes, but you’re not like the rest of us.”
As Mara had always been plagued by the notion that she didn’t quite fit in with her peers no matter how hard she tried, that little sentence stung more than it should have.
“How is that?” she asked, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.
“You’re mannerly and decorous. Exasperatingly so.” Kitty flung out an arm. “And having relations with a man who is not your husband is bad. Entertaining, certainly. Wickedly exciting. But very bad.”
“I wouldn’t have relations with him,” she exclaimed, startled. “Why would you say that?”
Her sister eyed her closely. “Mara, what do you think an affair entails, precisely?”
“Spending time together?” she ventured.
“Time inbed, you mean. Naked.”
