A silence descended over them but it wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward. It was pleasant. She didn’t feel a need to speak up and fill the silence with useless words.
Octavia snuck a peek at Lord Kendal as he drove the team. There was no doubt that he was a very handsome man, but he was so much more than that. He made her laugh, he made her think, and most of all, he had a kindness about him that made her trust him.
But that didn’t mean she had any interest in him. No. Of course not. She couldn’t bring her emotions into this. Lord Kendal was merely a newfound friend. Nothing more.
Chapter Six
Harred tightened the reins in his hand as he drove the team towards Hyde Park. The silence had gone on long enough and he decided it was time to become more acquainted with Lady Octavia. This was a task that he found he didn’t mind. One might even say that he was pleased by the prospect. But now he had to get her to start talking.
When he had arrived at her townhouse, he had noticed her red-lined eyes and it was evident that she had been crying. He had to assume that she was upset about her mother, but was he presumptuous enough to ask her? And if she did admit to it, would she confide in him? He hoped she would.
After his parents had died, he had never felt more alone, despite having friends that had reached out to him. But he didn’t want to discuss his great loss. He couldn’t. So he kept it to himself and the burdens were still weighing him down.
He didn’t want Lady Octavia to feel alone. Frankly, he didn’t want her to feel one ounce of sadness. She deserved to be happy, and he loved nothing more than seeing her smile. For when she did, it lit up her entire face and her eyes reflected a happiness that he had once known.
Harred cleared his throat. This was it. He hoped shewouldn’t chide him on his impertinence. “I couldn’t help but notice that you had been crying earlier,” he said. “I do hope everything is all right.”
Lady Octavia visibly stiffened. “A gentleman would not comment on a woman’s discomfort.”
“I would normally agree, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your grief,” Harred said. “You have your family and your friends that want to help you.”
“I do not wish to discuss this, especially with someone that I have only just become acquainted with,” Lady Octavia remarked curtly.
Harred understood her resistance but he couldn’t leave things as they were. He had to let her know that he understood. It was important to him.
In a voice that was far calmer than he felt, he shared, “My parents died not too long ago in a carriage accident.”
Lady Octavia sucked in a breath. “I am sorry to hear that.”
“I do not talk about it often since the grief is so raw, but I don’t want you to make the same mistake as me. Do not withdraw and hold it in, thinking you have to be brave all the time. Truly being brave means that you have the courage to be vulnerable. It means you can admit that you don’t have everything figured out. To ask for help when you need it.”
He gave her a weak smile as he continued. “I do not mean to lecture you. I just couldn’t stand the thought of you trying to go about dealing with your grief on your own.”
Shifting on the bench, Lady Octavia remarked, “You are so insistent on helping me, but yet you don’t ask for help whenyouneed it. Why is that?”
“It is far easier to offer advice than to take it,” Harred admitted sheepishly.
Lady Octavia watched him for a long moment, her expression giving nothing away. “I do not like feeling vulnerable- with anyone. It makes me feel weak.”
“I can relate.”
“My first instinct is to pretend that all is well. It has been the only way I have been able to cope for this long.”
Harred glanced at her. “Has that worked well for you?”
“No, it has been terrible, and not at all effective, but it is safe. Familiar.” Lady Octavia sighed. “I know that my mother will pass soon but I am dreading that day.”
“As well you should. It is not a day that you will likely forget.”
Lady Octavia’s lips quirked. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me that it will get easier with time?”
“No, because I have no intention of lying to you,” Harred replied. “Time slowed down for me when I was informed that my parents had been killed. The only thing I remember was the ticking of the long clock that timed my misery.”
“You are not very helpful,” Lady Octavia said.
“Every day, I struggle with my grief, not knowing if it will eventually consume me,” Harred remarked. “The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I must live up to being the man I am supposed to be. I can’t let people down. People’s livelihoods are dependent on me.”
“What about letting yourself down?” Lady Octavia asked. “How can you take care of others if you are unable to see after yourself?”
