Despite myself, I want to know more, even though it feels like I am willingly tearing my own stitches wide and worsening a wound that has not yet had a chance to heal.
I hear the question leave my mouth all the same. ‘What happened when you found out the truth?’
His lips twist. ‘I confronted Thea. Told her that if she ever came near me again, I would kill her.’ He pauses, letting the depth of the words linger in the air. ‘And I meant it. Utterly. I truly thought myself in love. She betrayed me.’
Join the club, I think darkly.
‘When my father realised his machinations were foiled, he stripped Thea of her power and banished her from court. He couldn’t have evidence of his failure lingering.’ Kyor’s blue eyes hold mine. ‘I still do not know the truth of a baby, whether one ever lived or not. I suspect it was nothing more than Thea’s last-ditch attempt to save herself from my father, an effort to get him to show mercy, to stay his hand. I have had people watch her since, and there has never been any sign of a child, stillborn or otherwise, but I doubt I will ever know the full truth.’
As angry as I am, my pathetic heart still hurts for him. ‘I’m sorry, Kyor.’ The words leave me as a whisper.
Iam no monster of Wrohelm, and Iamsorry. What he has been through is more than anyone should have to suffer.
With a single nod, Kyor accepts my sympathy, but the tension remains in his frame. I know what he is waiting for, but I cannot give that to him.
No way in hell. All I can offer him is the truth.
‘I’m sorry for what you went through, but it changes nothing between us,’ I continue with effort, wishing my voice didn’t tremble. That I didn’t feel weak again. ‘You broke my heart, Kyor. You looked at your father, and you lied about my mother. Again. She deserves absolution and you stole it from her for a second time. And then … you chose your crown over me.’
His jaw works. ‘I do not deny that I chose my duty over you, Rose, but I swear I had no other choice. I cannot explain other than to say that there is more at stake than you know.’ Frustration tears through his words.
‘Because you don’t trust me?’ My torn heart hardens.
‘No … it’s not that. It’s because I can’t.’ His eyes plead. ‘Do you understand? I can’t. I can’t tell you.’
Slowly it dawns on me. ‘A vow …’ I say. ‘You’re bound by a vow.’
Relief floods his eyes. He can’t even nod to confirm it, but I see it.
Beside him, Elska lets out a rumbling growl that makes the hairs on my neck stand on end.
So what does that mean? He was able to speak of Thea so his vow –ifhe truly has taken one – relates to something else.
I shake my head. ‘This changes nothing.’
‘When you understand, it will change everything,’ he says with a confidence that infuriates me. ‘But in the meantime, I’m going to earn back your trust,’ he promises, and his tone brooks no argument.
My head moves before I can stop it. No, he won’t. ‘You have your duty, and I have mine.’
‘I know your duty too, Rose. I know where you’re going. You travel to the Issen,’ he says, keeping his voice low. I do not deny it, and he continues, ‘To learn of your ice magic.’ He meets my eyes. ‘As you should.’
I want to be shocked, but I’m not. Like Benny, he’s smart, and if I weren’t so determined to deny the truth to myself, I’m sure I would have come to the obvious conclusion even without Dinah’s help. That Kyor not only knows but also approves of my choice to leave in search of answers actually warms me – and I fucking hate that.
He knows of my magic, has deduced my plans, and has not told his father any of it.
Even though it’s treason.
It feels as if we’re back on the ice of Follen Lake, sliding forward step by step, waiting for the ice to crack and for us to plunge to our deaths.
‘My father is sending me to the Hirathean Pass to retake command there. That’s why I left this morning. But when Elska picked up your scent, I knew it was a sign from the Gods. Rose, I’ll travel north with you. That way I can protect you.’
I stiffen. ‘I do not need your protection, Your Royal Highness.’ I use his title like a slap, knowing how much he hates it.
‘Yet you cannot stop me from giving it to you, Lady Kultavaris.’ He tosses back my own title with a smirk.
There is no way I want to have him on the journey with me – no way I can deal with the distraction – but before I can tell him to fuck off, Benny clears his throat behind us.
‘Sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem.’ He looks at me as he speaks, utterly ignoring Kyor in a manner that makes me love him a little more. ‘We found your horse, Rose.’ He grimaces. ‘It was hurt. It was kindest to put it out of its misery.’
