‘They’re monsters,’ Kay cries.
‘You’ll never make it,’ William says, face ashen. ‘You’ll be killed well before you get there.’
Their votes of confidence are overwhelming.
I hold a hand up and they fall silent. I appreciate that there is no objection from Benny, Caz, or Ruben. They have my back, all the way, and that matters.
‘We need a solution’—I gesture between William and me—‘and they are the only people who can give us one.’
‘You can stay here and stay hidden,’ Jonas pleads. ‘Just remain in the High Hold and out of sight.’
‘Out of sight?’ I scoff. ‘You mean live my life locked up in this house, never able to wander outside?’
‘Yeah, fuck that,’ William agrees.
My eyes spin to meet his, my sisterly instinct making me ready to rise and chastise him for his use of a swear word, but I swallow the urge. I don’t have the right to speak to him like that. Not yet anyway. Our relationship isonly just beginning.
‘It’s not like there isn’t room here,’ Kay continues. ‘Jonas and I could make sure you have everything you need.’
‘It’s the safest option,’ Jonas joins in. ‘We can protect you both.’
Jonas and Kay – our keepers, our saviours?
Our jailors, more like.
The thought of being kept in the house is claustrophobic, closing in on me from every side. It presses, overbearing and relentless, until my chest tightens and my breath turns shallow. Power surges within me in a wild, panicked rush, unbidden and unstoppable. It is too much, far too much, and I cast around desperately for somewhere, anywhere, to force the unbidden power into.
My gaze snags on the plant pots scattered around the dining room. I thrust the burgeoning magic into them without thought or finesse. The plants explode into life, leaves unfurling with violent speed. One creeps along the walls, thick vines clawing for purchase, wrapping around the decorative trellis Mother loved. The walls groan beneath the strain, and the sound sends a fresh spike of panic through me.
‘Deep breaths, Rose,’ Benny says, suddenly next to me, rubbing my arms, his voice low and soothing. ‘It’s okay. Just take some deep breaths, honey. We need you to calm down. There’s only so many cracks in the walls this old house can take.’
The gentle humour helps, and I do as he bids, gulping in air like it’s my first breath.
I breathe in and out, over and over again, letting my chest rise and fall until I feel calm again.
‘She’ll end up tearing the house to pieces, if not the city, if she stays here,’ Benny says. ‘Imprisoning her isn’t the answer.’
‘Exactly,’ I agree once I’m back under control. I give Benny’s hand a grateful squeeze. ‘Ineedto go,’ I reiterate. ‘It’s the only way to find out what’s happening to me. To us,’ I add, nodding at William.
A slight pause perforates the room.
‘I know I’m not your favourite person right now,’ Jonas begins anew. ‘But have you really thought this through? Or do you just plan to walk north until you find one of these monsters and pray you can kill them before they kill you? And that’s assuming you don’t bump into any Torailians on theway. They’re both feral peoples, you know, the Issen and Torailians. The way they fight … they have armies in the tens of thousands, bigger even. Have you thought about what will happen if you come across one of their battalions?’
My back teeth grind together. I ignore his negativity the same way I’ve done many times before. Jonas not believing in me isn’t something new.
‘Obviously I have a plan,’ I seethe. ‘I’m going to explain my absence from court by saying I am going on a pilgrimage for Etta. I’ll say that I plan to visit all her temples and express my gratitude to her for the gifting. No one will think anything of it, and it will give a legitimate reason for my disappearance.’
Not to mention, Korvane will simply think I am running from Kyor’s rejection, slinking away to lick my wounds.
I fold my arms. ‘As for bumping into Torailians, I plan on staying as far away from their territory as possible. And even if I do stumble into them, they’re hardly going to see one lone woman as a threat. All I need from you all is to propagate my lie for me. Spread the story that I’m visiting the temples.’
‘Fuck that!’ Ruben snorts. ‘And fuck being alone woman. I’m coming with you. It’s not like I have anything holding me here now.’ My chest tightens at that, at the void Noleen will leave for him.
‘Me too,’ Caz chimes in, shoulders square, daring me to argue. ‘I have to make sure you don’t accidentally wander into hostile land.’
Tension drains from me, replaced by a warmth that makes it feel like my entire heart might swell to bursting.
I won’t be doing this alone.
