Better, he concedes after a moment.
Thank you.
We move on together then, still adjusting, still learning, but nolonger quite so precarious. His warmth seeps into me, solid and reassuring, and I let myself trust the rhythm at last.
This is amazing, I say. And it is. With my connection to Fen, I can feel the direction we’re moving, brace the moment before he leaps over an obstacle, and revel in the moments he picks up speed. I don’t need Kyor’s arms anchoring me when I can anticipate what is coming. Don’t need to fear abrupt twists and sharp turns. This is everything I thought bonding with a dire wolf would be, and far, far more.
Fen’s pride rumbles through me, quiet and pleased. My heart lifts in response.
I don’t know what the future will bring for either of us, but I’m relieved we won’t face it alone.
Chapter 49
No matter how terrifying dire wolves are, I’m sure that every Morathkian child dreams of bonding with one at some point or another. It is certainly true of those who live in the slums. I saw them often enough, racing across the dirt-covered ground, the smallest of the group always charged with taking the roles of the animals and snapping and growling at the ankles of the adults they passed. Once or twice I saw children take it a step further, walking with stray dogs at their sides, offering them titbits of food they most certainly needed for themselves. Such dogs were almost certainly given a title befitting something far more grandiose than their scrawny, mange-riddled frames. Storm. Thunder. Killer.
As for the High Hold, it was all we’d talk of as kids, in the lulls between training. The thought that refused to sleep at the back of our minds, even when our bodies were too tired to lift a sword.Especiallythen.For how much stronger would we be with a wolf at our side? Our swords would not need to swing because their teeth and jaws possessed the power of a dozen blades.
But whatever I imagined, whatever games Kay and I played, the reality is far beyond anything my imagination could have conjured.
The way we move on silent paws, it is as though we have becomepart of the forest. Never have I felt so small, yet so wondrously powerful all at once.
As we pass a yellow-flowered shrub struggling to keep abloom in the cold, my mind drifts again to Kay and William. My heart yearns for them to see me now. I might not know my brother the way I want to, but I can still imagine the excitement that would fill him at the sight of his sister bonded. As for Kay, I’m sure she would be equal parts proud and utterly horrified.
My father, for all that he was an acclaimed warrior, never even attempted to bond with a wolf. Back then, he insisted he didn’t want to, a fact I always considered pure insanity. Now, however, I wonder if it had more to do with his heritage – his mother and his lack of noble birth. The difficulties he struggled with in the court were apparent enough, and for him to be bonded would only have increased the level of jealousy among his peers. So perhaps that’s why he chose to do without.
Or perhaps, I think loudly,he knew that some dire wolves could be testy.
I can throw you off my back,Fen says.You can think how testy I am as you roll around with a broken arm.
I’m grinning as I reply.No, you’re all right, thanks.I threw out the thought deliberately, wondering if he was still there. Separation, it seems, takes effort, but the rejoining of our minds is far more subconscious, occurring any time I let my guard down.
Once again, I concentrate on my breathing, on gently detangling our minds. I want space to think of Kay. To let myself feel the pain of missing her as I wonder how she is. If her pregnancy is showing yet. If Jonas is treating her right.
Apprehension gnaws at me, and the longing to see her gets worse. It is not just Fen I wish to tell her about, but also the Rottings, the Myrkr. Loch. I wish to know how William is. To hear that our brother is safe. Without meaning to, my mind slips towards them, and the world pinches in.
My stomach drops, and I know immediately what’s about to happen.
It takesno time to recognise my surroundings. To clear my vision of hope and instead ascertain where I am, which is soaring above the rings of Wrohelm. Unfettered and free. The High Hold is but a single ring away, and I fold my body inwards and plummet low as I cross that final threshold. Though rather than steering towards the courtiers’ arc, I am guided with a twist towards the palace.
Below me, Kay and Jonas stand dressed for celebration, a world away from mud, blood, and wolves.
A physical ache burns through me as tears threaten to blur my sight, but they do not, for it is better this way. Better that she is safe, not in danger.
Kay and Jonas are not the only people gathered outside the palace, as a veritable queue weaves across the courtyard. Still, I am desperate to hear Kay’s voice, and I fly as close as I can, taking a perch on a wall a few feet away.
‘You are certain you don’t know what this ball is for?’ Kay questions, her arm looped through Jonas’s. ‘I don’t know if my dress is appropriate.’
‘Your dress is stunning,’ Jonas responds. ‘You’re stunning.’
Her smile flickers, but it doesn’t settle.
‘The king is celebrating some great victory,’ Jonas comments neutrally. ‘We must celebrate with him.’
Kay frowns, resting her hand on her abdomen. ‘But why will none tell uswhatthe victory is?’ She drops her voice, but her anxiety is clear all the same. ‘I heard some say it is to do with the power of Morathka. But what of it?’ She drops her voice low. ‘Jonas, I worry about Rose.’
The line shuffles forward. Someone behind Kay steps too close, jostling her shoulder. I tense, instinctively bracing for her to lose her footing, but she doesn’t.
She shoots the shover an icy look I know well.
