For what feels like the first time in moons, he meets my eyes and gives me a rueful smile before rubbing a hand over his face. ‘Yeah. I’m …’ He sighs. ‘But no.’ The shake of his head is far more definitive than I expected. ‘No. Trust me, she’s not happy about this.’ He gestures to me and then points to Benny. ‘But this is definitely different. I’ve asked her whose pain it is, but it’s like she’s blocking me out. I don’t know how to get through to her.’
There’s not just worry in his voice. There’s fear.
Fear that she might leave him? Surely not. I don’t even know if that’s possible. I always thought dire wolves bonded for life.
‘Has she done anything like this before? Acted like this before?’ I ask him.
‘No.’ Again, Kyor replies with the same level of certainty. ‘Never.’
So much for wanting to help her. If she won’t even tell Kyor what’s going on, there’s no chance she’s going to tell me.
‘Does she want to look for this friend in pain?’ I ask. ‘Does she want us to look for them?’
I don’t want to do anything to delay this trip. Just the thought of it is enough to fill my mind with images of William’s body. How much will the icy pattern have spread since my vision? Has he let Kay know? I’m sure if Jonas knew just how bad it was, he’d refuse to let him go out in public for fear of it being seen, but William probably knows that too and has likely kept it to himself for that exact reason.
I need to get to the Issen, but Elska is not in the best frame of mind, which could slow us down a lot more. Or worse, put us at risk if she’s too distracted to hear a threat coming.
Kyor licks his lips and admits, ‘She’s not responding to me.’
His eyes meet mine, and his anguish strikes me. Elska is the only one in his life who’s never let him down. If something happens between the two of them now, it might just be the nail in the coffin for Kyor.
Any hope of him ever forming a relationship – ever loving again – would be gone.
Trying to disguise the anxiety that filters through me, I reach out and take his hand, half expecting him to pull away.
‘I’m sorry.’
A pause drifts between us, and he lets me hold his hand for a few moments before he withdraws, physically and emotionally. His face is blank once more, devoid of the agony he allowed me to see only moments ago.
‘Thank you,’ he says brusquely.
He let me touch him – let me offer comfort, if only for a moment. It’s something.
I nod and leave him to get ready for bed.
None of us sleep well,except Loch with his modified earplugs. Elska’s constant pacing is beyond unsettling. Every whine causes a shudder to ripple down my spine, and I know I’m not alone.
Benny’s body is so tense I’m sure he’s contemplated the same thought I had earlier: just because Kyor didn’t murder him in Galreck,it doesn’t mean the wolf isn’t going to rip his throat out at some point.
That thought doesn’t help me sleep either. If she does decide that killing Benny is going to go some way to easing this pain she’s under, I need to be awake to stop that from happening.
At some point in the night, after a couple of hours of restless tossing, my ears tune into Ruben’s voice.
‘Let me take watch, buddy. You need some sleep.’ Confusion flickers in my drowsy state. I thought Benny had already taken his shift, and I can’t imagine who else Ruben would refer to like that.
But then the second voice replies sharply, ‘One, you and I aren’t buddies, and two, I’m fine.’ The brittleness in Kyor’s voice would be enough to make anyone slink back, and yet I’m not in the slightest bit surprised when Ruben stands his ground.
‘One, maybe not right now, but we will be. And two, you’re not fine. You’re in pain, and you’re exhausted. If you don’t rest, you’re not going to help any of us. Not Rose. Not Elska.’
Kyor grunts, but he doesn’t respond.
‘Just half an hour,’ Ruben presses. ‘If you’re not asleep, then you can take the watch back.’
Another pause follows before a low grunt rattles through the quiet.
‘Fine, thirty minutes.’
When the weak,filtered morning light reaches us through the canopy, I stretch out, feeling even less rested than I did before I went to sleep. I can’t have got more than a couple of hours at best. Yet as I roll over, a deep wave of gratitude floods through me. Kyor is there, asleep by the fire, and Ruben is rubbing his eyes as he remains in watch position.
