Benny is back to gaping. ‘You beteverythingyou had on Rose to win the Retterheld? Everything? You risked it all? On her?’ His incredulity should be insulting, but I find myself agreeing utterly with his attitude.
Ruben’s eyes meet mine as he answers, causing the hairs to rise on the back of my neck. ‘Yeah. I did.’
‘Fuck, that’s hot,’ Benny mutters.
I don’t even want to hit him for the remark. But he’s wrong. It’s not hot; it’s incredible. It’s humbling. It’s phenomenal.
‘I bet on her to win the first trial, and when she won, I collected my winnings and immediately bet them all on her winning the second trial. And then the third and the fourth. And then the Ofur.’
‘Gods, Ruben.’ I find myself lost for words. Lost for air, too. ‘If you’d lost everything … if I hadn’t won …’
He shrugs again, that smile still in place. ‘Yeah, that would have been difficult. But I know you. You’d have killed every person in Morathka before you left Kay alone. When you look at it like that, it was a pretty sure thing.’
I’m surprised by the tears that clog the back of my throat. For him to have that much faith in me, to know that he risked everything, has left me truly aghast. I’m not sure anyone’s ever shown that kind of belief in me before.
The thought forms only to be instantly replaced.
Kyor did.
When I dove into the water to communicate with the kraken, Jonas thought I was insane. Thought I was going to die. I’m sure even Benny doubted I was capable of it. But Kyor believed in me.
And now that memory is bitter as hell.
Fuck him.
Kyor doesn’t deserve a place in my thoughts right now.
Instead, I focus on the handsome man before me. Ruben risked everything he had because he believed in me. I’m never going to forget that. Not ever.
‘Thank you,’ I whisper. A moment passes between us – a moment in which the rest of the world filters away.
‘I’m pretty sure I’m the one who should be thanking you.’ A smile flickers on his lips only to fade almost instantly, tension rising in his frame.
‘What is it?’ I say, confused by his sudden shift. ‘Has something happened?’
He presses his lips tightly together. ‘I actually came for another reason, not just to flout my new wealth in your face.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘I need a favour.’
Given how he helped me in the slums, I owe him a dozen, if not more. Not to mention the show of faith he has just displayed in me. ‘Of course. Anything. What do you need?’
Rather than responding, Ruben fiddles with the hem of his shirt. ‘Mum’s got worse. A lot worse. I hoped that when we moved to the third it would help, but I’m worried we got there too late.’ He hesitates. ‘I know your mum was a healer, Rosey, and I’m guessing that since you won, you’ve got your magic back. That’s what you asked for, right? Your magic, and everything taken from you, to be returned?’
‘Right.’ It’s with a deep throb that I realise he knows me well enough to anticipate my one wish from Etta.
‘Well, Mum’s been to see the regular healers, but they said they can’t do anything. I just hoped … since your mum was such an amazing healer … there might be something moreyoucan do?’
The weight of his hope settles on me like a physical thing. My mother’s name is never spoken, not aloud, but it hangs between us all the same. She was certainty; I am doubt. She was knowledge earned over decades, whereas I am only just finding my feet again.
For a heartbeat, I ache with the absence of her. With everything she might have taught me, everything I might have been, if the world had not torn her and my magic away. Healing was meant to be my path once. Not crowns or trials or divine bargains, but this. Hands stained with herbs. Long nights. Lives made better in small, quiet ways.
‘I’ll try,’ I say honestly. The words feel pitiful, measured against what my mother was and what I was meant to become. Everything I fear I’m not.
‘Of course I’ll try,’ I continue, ‘but I’ve only just regained my magic. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do anything more than the experienced healers have already done.’ Less, in truth. But I’ll try. For him.
‘That you have your magic at all is a miracle,’ Ruben says softly. ‘I’m just hoping for one more.’
My mind races as I think of how I might help Noleen. Had my powers not been taken from me, I would have likely gone down the same route as my mother, combining my magic with spell work to make remedies as a healer. But the chance to hone such skills was snatched from me, along with my magic. Still, I have her old notebooks and her orangery. Even if the plants aren’t in the best of shape, I’m sure I can remedy that.
‘I should probably have a look through some notebooks,’ I tell him. ‘See what I can find. Then we can collect some herbs from the orangery and head off in a bit?’
