‘We’ll return it on our way back,’ I tell her, even though those maps have got me wondering how likely it is that we’ll make it back from this.
Only we have to, I remind myself. For William, we have to.
‘So, you and Kyor last night?’ Caz says as we head out into the street. ‘Alone in a bed together. Are you going to tell me that nothing happened? Bear in mind that I’ll know you’re lying.’
There’s no doubt it’s annoying having a friend you can’t even keep your sex life secret from, but as a grin returns to my lips, I realise it’s not like she needed the power to see the truth, anyway.
‘It’s a complicated mess,’ I tell her.
‘But a complicated mess you want to make work?’ she questions.
I think about my answer. It’s not a case of wanting to hide things from her. It’s more not wanting to admit them to myself.
‘He said he loved me.’
‘And you said it back.’ There’s no doubt in her tone.
‘Yes. But is it enough?’ I ask her.
Her chest rises as she draws in a long breath. ‘I don’t know. I guess you’ll have to wait and see.’
We walk the next few minutes in silence, both lost in our own thoughts.
Is love really enough to fix everything that’s wrong between Kyor and me? There was a time when I thought that having my magic back, having my riches returned and my sister in the safety of the court, would be enough to solve all our issues, and yet here I am, even more fearful of the future than I ever was in the slums.
‘I keep meaning to ask you,’ I say as we turn onto a street filled with hawkers roasting nuts and meats, ‘what are your plans now? Are you going to stay here in Galreck, with Benny?’
Caz stops unexpectedly and turns to face me. ‘You don’t want me to carry on with you?’
‘Of course I do,’ I say instantly. ‘I just didn’t know what you wanted to do. You and Benny are friends, and you’ve known him a lot longer than you’ve known me. I just didn’t know if …’ I trail off. I just didn’t know if our friendship was strong enough that she’d want to do this trip without her Eastern Isles counterpart.
Those are the words I don’t say aloud, but from the way she looks at me, she doesn’t need me to.
‘You know, when I started this trip, I felt like I was doing it for Llin,’ she admits as she starts walking again, although her pace is so slow it’sbarely a shuffle. ‘I felt like being with you and Benny, and being on an adventure, would make me feel closer to her.’
‘And has it?’ I say softly.
‘Yes …’ she says hesitantly. ‘But it’s also made me feel closer to myself.’
‘Yourself?’ I don’t doubt that my face displays my confusion as she lets out a little chuckle.
‘I always felt like I was seen as just the bookish one. You know, I’m the one you turn to when you need research. When you need a fact or a date. Llin saw me as more, but she always wanted to keep me safe. Protect me, you know? Because she was worried about how people might use my powers. But here … here I’ve been the one who can keep the horses calm when we’re being attacked by a freaking Myrkr. I’ve been the one who survived a Sannthrall. I’m the one who’s building bonds with the Sannings. TheSannings.Because they’re real and I get to see that.’ Her eyes light up with a brightness I’ve never seen in her before, and strange as it is, it reminds me of Kay in court. Like she’s found her place.
‘So I take it that’s a yes? You’re coming with me?’ I reply.
‘Just you try to stop me!’ She grins and squeezes my hands slightly.
Selfishly, I don’t. Because I need her there with me too, to roll her eyes at the men, to sit next to in the evenings, to pore over books together. This journey has made us so much closer already.
With my heart feeling lighter, we pick up our pace, looking in at the various taverns we pass. It’s no wonder that the stable hand didn’t suggest this street as somewhere for Kyor and me to stay; it’s already rammed.
‘Did you find out what this festival is for?’ I ask Caz as we weave our way through yet more people.
‘Yeah, it’s for the first hops of the season,’ she tells me.
‘Hops? As in?—’
‘As in it’s a huge beer festival.’ She laughs. ‘Yup. Now, where exactly did you say you were meeting Kyor?’
