What did Evie say about everything?he asks.
She admitted it.Once again, her face appears before me, anguished and apologetic.I blink it away.
Did she have any explanations?
What do I need to know besides the fact that she lied to me and pretended to be someone that she’s not?I demand.
He holds up his hands.Whoa, I’m on your side.What those women tried to do to you is sick and twisted.Shit like that could make anyone lose their faith in human nature.He stares absentmindedly at the backlit bar.You know I broke up with Cleo once, and we almost didn’t get back together.
Really?Mats is like me, someone who seldom shares his relationship drama.
Yeah.She lied about settling things with her brother.
Cleo’s younger brother was a racist piece of shit who got cut from our team and later tried to fuck up the reputation of the Monarch hockey program.Did she have a good excuse for lying?
He half-smiles.Honestly, not really.I mean, she had a lot of family issues that she needed to deal with, but I was acting all rigid and principled, so I refused to hear her out.Eventually I realized that being right isn’t an excuse for being an asshole.
He goes on.It’s almost too easy to date someone new.You can pick up your phone and find hundreds of women on dating apps.At Monarch, all you have to do is breathe and play hockey.
I snort.Too true.
What’s hard is actually working on a relationship.Like having a big blowout argument.I hate fighting, but I should have called out Cleo for lying and then we could have worked through it.There were other ways to solve our issue, but I went nuclear right away.
His eyes meet mine.And for a while, I wasn’t even sure if she’d let me back in.I’d deserted her at her very lowest time, and she couldn’t trust me anymore.I’m lucky that she gave me a second chance.
Then he smiles.We still argue, but mainly about stupid shit.Sure, Cleo is a lot, but she makes me laugh so much.And our good times far outweigh the bad.I’m not perfect, so why should our relationship be?
So, you’re telling me I shouldn’t have been so quick to dump Evie, even after hearing what she did?I ask.
Mats frowns.I don’t know enough about your relationship to pass judgement.But I’ve noticed this calmness in you lately.You’ve been pretty stressed this year, so it was nice to see you…I don’t know, relaxing and enjoying yourself.
I can’t be with someone who lied her way into my life,I state.
He leans back in his club chair.You probably don’t remember, but we had this discussion before.Whether people can become better, or if they’re stuck with their essential nature.
I vaguely remember something, but not the context.What did we decide?
He laughs.We decided that Cleo’s brother was a dirtbag who would never change.But there are some people who can work on themselves and get better.Which type is Evie?Is she essentially a liar, or was this a one-time incident?
Maybe what hurt the most was getting fooled by someone who seemed so authentic.Finding out that we were so well-suited only because she was pretending.But was she devious enough to fake things for all that time?She claimed that everything was real between us.Her voice keeps echoing in my brain.I’m in love with you, Viktor.
I tramp down those hopes before they can sprout and force myself to recall all my insults and disdain, like chemical warfare designed to poison everything between us.
It doesn’t matter now.I broke up with her so thoroughly that she’d probably spit on me if we run into each other again.
Well, you do like to do things well.After a few minutes, he rises.I’m going to get another coffee.You want one?
I shake my head.I want some time in my own head.Talking to Mats both makes me feel better and worse.I prefer feeling completely justified in what I did, but maybe I need to reexamine that.
On the plane, Mats and I are in different rows.But that’s okay since both of us intend to nap away the three hours.
When I awaken, I check my watch.Another twenty minutes until we land.I can see the flat, white landscape below with only a few twinkling cities visible.
My father will be waiting at the airport to pick me up, even though I told him I can find my own way home.
I close my eyes, and my Christmas vacation unspools before me.My mother, trying to be brave and cheerful but not fooling any of us.My father, pretending nothing is wrong, even as he hires fixers and badgers politicians and government agencies.A crowded Christmas celebration filled with friends and family, everyone acting merry.But all that celebration can never hide the place at the table where my pessimistic brother should be sitting, making sarcastic comments and bitching about some minor issue.What I wouldn’t give to hear his complaints again.
I can even predict what they’ll say when I tell them I want to go to Ukraine after graduation.My mother will protest that she doesn’t want to lose another son.My father will be disappointed that I’m not pursuing hockey further.But I’m an adult now and I need to do something.
