I’ve been anxious all morning. Ms. Pat left a note with the night staff saying that I should be ready for an eight thirty a.m. appointment with Director Brewster. I have no idea why she wants to see me, and I’m afraid to ask.
It’s been two months since I got here, and I’ve been able to stay out of trouble mostly because everyone kind of ignores me unless I’m in their way. Tanya moved on to bullying other new girls. Samantha isn’t as bad of a roommate as I thought she would be. She’s pretty chill when it’s just the two of us, and she keeps her side of the room clean. Amari and I still walk to class together, but she’s endlessly mysterious and I’m not sure I can even call her my friend. I wrote a letter to Desiree. I haven’t really talked or written to anyone else, so it felt good to fill her in on the drama, the gross food, and Amari. I haven’t gotten a letter back yet.
Now, Ms. Bree is taking me to see Director Brewster. She pushes open a large door to a hallway filled with tinted windows. I have never been this far past the intake desk.
“This is the administration building,” she says.
I reach for the knob to open the next door.
“Hands,” Ms. Bree says, stepping in front of me with the key.
I clasp my hands and apologize for the millionth time. I stillhaven’t gotten used to the locked door thing and realize that maybe this is what the meeting is about.
Ms. Bree nods and waves to the security behind the desk as we enter a waiting room. There’s a big window on the far end that looks out over the campus. I see the iron gate we all came through on our first day. It looks less intimidating now. Ms. Bree knocks on a door to our left.
“It’s open,” says a stern voice with the same sharpness I remember.
Ms. Bree motions for me to go inside. “This is Jasmine Cooper,” she says.
“Come in and have a seat,” Director Brewster says. I move cautiously to the chair across from her desk and catch a glimpse of a folder with my name written on it in red letters. It looks like the same one that was in Dr. Rose’s office.
“You can go,” she tells Ms. Bree without a second glance.
Ms. Bree doesn’t say anything, but she must have closed the door more forcefully than expected, as Director Brewster seems ready to call her back. Instead, she turns her attention to me.
“Sorry it took so long to schedule our first chat, Ms. Cooper. But you know how things are around here,” she says, opening the folder. Confused, I feel my eyebrows knit together. Director Brewster makes a face when she sees the first page. “Oh, never mind, look at that, you’re a first timer.” She flips to the next one. “And you were given the full twelve months.” She runs her finger down to the bottom of the page and nods her head slowly, her gray bun bouncing on top of her head. “Oh, and a ten-month option, that’s rare.” She closes the folder.
I sit up in my seat as soon as I register what she said. “I can leave early?” I blurt out.
She looks at me but doesn’t seem bothered by my accidentaloutburst. “If you take this seriously,” she says, “but most of you don’t.”
“Oh, I will. I don’t belong here,” I say with confidence.
“And yet here you are, Ms. Cooper.” Director Brewster takes a sip from the “best grandma” mug on her desk.
I don’t respond and she moves on. I can’t help but wonder what her grandkids are like if they think she’s the “best” anything. She seems like she hates kids—or maybe just “bad” ones.
Director Brewster taps her pen on the folder and rattles off a list of things I can do to leave in ten months. “Follow the rules. Do well in schoolandtherapy. Leave the teen girl drama out of it,” she finishes.
I repeat the list to myself minus the last part.
“If you have any questions, this is the time to ask them.”
I don’t hesitate to ask the only question on my mind. “How do I know I’m being good enough to leave early?”
She slams a “processed” stamp on my folder in red ink. “You won’t be in here again,” she says.
I can tell by her tone that this meeting is over.I absolutely won’t be back.I get up and stand at the door, remembering not to touch it until directed.
“Go ahead, Ms. Cooper.”
The minute I step out of Director Brewster’s office, I smile to myself. For the first time since I got here, I feel hopeful. I want to let the whole building know I’m leaving early but I cover my mouth and scream quietly into my hand instead. When I realize that the guard is talking to someone, I walk faster, hoping Ms. Bree is already here.
“Hi, Jasmine.” Dr. Rose waves, stopping me. “You have a session this evening but since you’re here, wanna chat?”
It’s framed like a question, but I know I don’t have a choice. Besides, therapy might actually be helpful.
She leads me into the nearest room and points to a couch like the ones we have on the unit. This office is way smaller and shabbier than her usual space.
