My hands curled into fists on the floor, trying to grasp at the shards of life we’d built, at the person I thought she was. But only the haunting truth stayed with me – Ananya, as I loved her, never existed. Only the mask she’d worn like skin.
18
Loose Anchor
Ananya
‘So, you came clean to me because you were worried about Rivaayat. Not because you owed me the truth.’
My vision blurred. I turned my face into the bedsheet, overwhelmed by the whirlpool churning within me.
‘If you had just told me the truth sooner ... I would have put a stop to it. I would have protected you.’
A shuddering breath tore through me.
‘But it’s too late now. I can never trust you again.’
I knew we were doomed from the beginning. I had fucked up so thoroughly that we never stood a chance.
If I had ended this charade with Rekha when I saw who Jai really was …
If I had told Jai the truth the day Rekha dismissed me after I told her he was good …
If I had trusted him, trusted us, we’d still be together.
If only.
I had a million chances to tell Jai. But I was so afraid of losing him and the career that didn’t even exist, that I’d destroyed everything.
A broken sob squeezed out of my throat. I curled under the blanket, fists pressed to my chest, trying to hold the shards of my heart together.
‘Good morning.’ My bed dipped as Rhea sat next to me.
I bit down on my knuckle, willing myself to be silent. If she thought I was asleep, she’d go away.
‘I’ve made poha. The way your mom makes it.’
Just leave me alone.
Suddenly, the blanket was pulled off me. Sunlight hit me, and I flinched, scrunching my eyes shut. I wiped my tear-stained face with the back of my hand.
‘I also have chai boiling on the stove.’ She was trying to sound cheerful, but the pity swimming in her eyes gave her away.
‘I’m not hungry.’ I tried to pull the blanket over my head, but she had a firm grip on it.
‘Today is Monday.’
Rhea’s words cut through my fog of grief. My stomach lurched. Monday meant work. Work meant Jai. The world outside my room still existed, and I had to walk in it. Face the wreckage of my actions.
Images of hurt shining in his eyes, the blind fury contorting his face, and the moment he realised the depth of my betrayal came crashing over me. My throat tightened, but no sound came out. Just the steady, suffocating press of dread.
‘He …’ My breath came in short pulls. A fresh set of tears slipped down my cheeks. ‘He hates me. He won’t want me there. I don’t even know if I still have a job.’
‘It’s something you’ll have to go and find out,’ she said softly.
I swallowed hard.
As if on autopilot, my body moved on its own as I went through a list of tasks: brush, eat, shower, dress. The world felt oddly far away. I was so detached, my body wasn’t my own.
