“I know,” he interrupts, “sorry.”
“No, no. I’ve actually been thinking. I hated the way you did it but you were right. I do have feelings for you. If you were here, we could be so happy. But you aren’t.” I think there will be sadness at saying these words aloud, but my mind is made up and apparently my heart respects that. “There is no way that I can imagine us working and no way I can be happy while I’m divided. I owe it to myself, to Matt, to try. I cannot be distracted by what isn’t.” I smile to show my confidence.
“Are you happy?” The question catches me unprepared.
“What?” I stammer.
“It’s an easy question, Liz.” He chuckles softly. “Are you happy?”
The song is winding down now as I ponder his question. I think of all the times I’ve spent with Matt. We have fun when I’m not high strung, distracted, or stressed. “I could be if I gave it a chance,” I answer honestly.
The song ends and Matt is smiling from the edge of the dance floor. I wave at him. “Are we okay?” I ask Ben. Despite my realization that we would never have a future, I cannot forget our past.
“We are.” He smiles, and I start to head to Matt. Ben’s hand captures my elbow and I turn back in his direction. “But one last thing.” I feel a hand on the small of my back.
“I should’ve told you sooner and I’m sorry I didn’t. You are amazing and I adore you.” His green eyes are flashing with intensity.
“Matt,” Ben’s gaze lands over my shoulder, confirming that the warm hand is, in fact, my beau, “take care of this girl, she’s a special one.”
“That she is.” Matt says before planting a soft kiss on the top of my head. “That she is.”
Chapter 32
Liz, July 14
“Baby, can you come in here?” Matt calls from his kitchen. We’ve just finished work and decided to carpool to hockey. I came by to pick him up. I saunter to the kitchen to find Matt standing in an open cabinet, his head blocked from my view.
“What’s up?” I ask. Matt’s head emerges from the cabinet.
“Do you know if you can replace garlic powder with garlic salt in a recipe?” He holds up a small bottle and shakes it. Matt’s hair has gotten longer in the last few months, falling into his eyes. I also note that he looks exhausted.
“For what?” I ask.
“Spaghetti sauce. My Mom is coming for dinner this weekend. I thought I’d make some sauce.”
My heart skips a beat. Meeting his mom? Am I ready for that? Somehow, with Matt, it feels like an adventure I can actually manage. With Ben… I wouldn’t know where to start.
“Are you making it now? I thought we were going to hockey.”
Matt shuts the cabinet and places the seasoning bottle on the counter. “No.” He smiles. “I was just going to ask you to stop at the store if I needed anything for it.”
Matt crosses the kitchen quickly and wraps his arms around me. He plants a kiss on my forehead. “How are you?” he asks.
I hug him tightly, smelling his aftershave. For a second, I just let myself sink into him, no calculations, no wondering what he thinks of me — I can just exist here. “Good, now.” We pull apart.
“Are you ready to go?” I ask.
“Where are we on that cooking question, baby?”
“Oh, right. I’d say cut back on the salt if you swap it.” I smile, not feeling the usual heart-thumping panic that comes with Ben in the same room. Now… invite me to have dinner with your Mom.
“Awesome.” He leaves the room, disappearing down the hallway I know leads to his bedroom. “Ready?” he prompts.
I follow him out to my car. “Hey, when is your Mom coming?” I ask, shamelessly fishing for an invite.
“Tomorrow, for dinner.” He opens the trunk and tosses his bag in effortlessly.
“Just wondering.” Invite me, invite me.
