“Ndira said he was thinking about it, and that must’ve beenwhere you stopped paying attention, because then she said that Connor was going to say no. He didn’t think he was ready for F0 yet. He wanted to spend another year in the lower circuits and keep developing.”
“But if I hadn’t—”
“If you’re blaming yourself, you have to blame me, too. He didn’t talk to me about the offer, either. I guess I was so wrapped up in my own shit that season that he didn’t feel he could.” Julian crosses to the sink, rolls up his shirtsleeves, and washes his hands. They’re shaking, slightly, under the spray. “You’ve always said he seemed distracted that day. Maybe if I’d been a better friend, he would’ve—”
Dismay filters through Clarke’s guilt at the sign of Julian’s distress, and the reminder that she’s not the only one who just got blindsided. “No, Julian. You’re not responsible for what he chose not to tell you.”
He meets her eyes in the mirror. Through the strain of turbulent emotions on his face, he raises a knowing eyebrow.
She flushes and claps her hands to her face. “Fine. Yes. I hear it. Give me a minute.”
Clarke breathes into her palms until her stomach stops shaking. When she drops her hands, Julian is still standing at the sink, turned around and leaning back against it, gripping the basin on either side of his hips. Waiting, patiently, for her to be ready.
She walks to the sink. Adjusts her dress. Presses handfuls of cool water against her cheeks. Her sleeve brushes his.
“Not to rush you,” Julian says, “but I get the feeling that if we don’t get back soon, Imogen’s going to peel Yves’s face off his skull and feed it to him, and I want a front-row seat to that.”
Clarke laughs. It’s shaky, but it’s there. “I’m really glad you were here tonight.”
His smile lights up his whole face as he unlocks the door. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Clarke leads the way into the hall. “You could’ve told me you were coming.”
“And ruin the surprise? On a related note, I’ll be at the beach with you on Monday.”
Clarke sighs. “Who invited you?”
“Kuari got to me first, but Ihaka and Elise asked, too.”
“You don’t have to come.”
Julian’s fingers close around her elbow. It’s a loose grasp, something she’d break without any extra effort if she kept walking, but she lets it act as a fulcrum to swing her around.
Julian speaks quietly, cognizant of the door to their dining room just a step away. “Do you not want me there?”
Clarke almost says that it’s not a good idea. She really is enjoying talking to him again, but so far they’ve only spent hour-ish sessions together in closely monitored situations, aware of the cameras at all times. A whole day, with Clarke’s family and Connor’s moms—what if it’s too much? What if they’re not ready for that?
But Kuari invited him.
Kuari was six when Julian moved in with them, nine when Julian moved out, and ten when Clarke and Julian stopped talking. Clarke never asked her family to choose sides, never wanted them to, but she knows it’s been hard on her little brother. And Ndira and Elise are as much Julian’s as they are Clarke’s.
“I just—I don’t want to spend my birthday fighting,” Clarke says.
“So we won’t fight,” Julian says, like it’s that simple.
Clarke gives him a skeptical look. “You’re going to be nice to me all day?”
“You’ve never wanted me to beniceto you. When we were fourteen and you were going through that losing streak, you told me you’d rip my spine out and beat me with it if I ever let you win a race.”
“Between that and what you said about my mom tearing Yves’s face off, it’s a miracle you feel safe hanging out with us.”
“The women in your family are terrifying, but it’s a taste I’ve acquired well,” Julian says with a wink, and pushes the door to the dining room open.
—
“Did you knowabout me before Yves reached out when I was signing my rookie contract?”
The meal is over. Everyone’s heading back to the hotels. Julian and Connor’s moms caught an aerotrain going their direction; Clarke’s family is waiting for their ride on the sidewalk a bit farther up the street. Clarke wandered away from them to where Anders is lingering, waiting on Yves to finish settling the bill.
