I had not actually fainted but simply lost all ability to use so much as a muscle of my body, and even though I could see what was happening around me, everything was blurry. A murky vapor shrouded my eyes and head. Jean carried me to the horses, which were waiting outside, and someone helped him untie one of them and lifted me into his arms. Jean held the reins in one hand, holding me to him with the other, and we galloped away, accompanied by Brunette beside us, running and barking.
The way passed hazily before my eyes, and the mysterious voice in my head continued, accompanied by a growing hum. My body leaned limply against Jean, and I struggled not to lose consciousness completely.
We arrived at the canopy of the big carob tree. A greeting was heard from the guardhouse, and Jean cried back in response. He jumped down from the horse without even bothering to tie him, and took me down too. Being close to the spring strengthened me. With unsteady steps, I staggered toward it.
“Are you feeling better, my lady?” he asked after I noisily gulped water from the trickling spring, as did Brunette. “I am much better,” I said with difficulty. “But I must pass through. I cannot stay any longer,”I said with urgency, the terrible eyes still burning before me and the voice commanding me not to linger any longer repeating in my ears.
I rummaged around in my bag until I found the cloth pouch where I kept my coins. I took out Lily’s ten-agorot coin and knelt beside the water. Jean knelt beside me. Brunette sat and looked at us with her tongue lolling and a look of concern.
“I’ll come with you,” he said, and at the sight of my weak protest, he added, “I have to make sure that you arrive there safely.” I had no strength to say anything. I held his one hand, and with the other he produced his knife. He made a small cut in his hand and in mine. Brunette barked one lonely bark. I dipped my hand with the coin in it into the water, and Jean and I tumbled in at once, Brunette’s sad howl echoing in my ears.
The pulling sensation almost crushed me completely, as if I were passing through a birth canal—it felt as if a dark sponge were pressing against all the organs of my body as I struggled to squeeze through the narrow passage toward the promise of light and air on the other side. A warm hand grasped mine and reminded me that there was a world and life and time. We were spat out.
The sun had already set, and it was dim beneath the carob canopy. We lay on the dry earth for a few minutes. Then, I stood and went out onto the ridge. In the west were ruins of the fort and the military base, and to the east, cars and trucks were speeding along the highways, and the houses of Atlit were visible. It seemed that I had returned home. I took a deep breath and returned to the carob canopy. Jean was sitting up, but it looked like he was not yet entirely lucid. With his cupped hand, he took a little water from the book-sized puddle and licked it.
I went back out from under the canopy to see if my car was still parked where I’d left it. I returned to my cloth bag beside the spring, took the single contact lens out of my eye, and put on my glasses.
“What is that thing?” Jean recoiled.
“These are glasses,” I told him with a smile. “They help me see better.” The color had returned to Jean’s cheeks, and he asked to examine the glasses. He looked through them and recoiled again, then examined them from every angle.
“There was a Saracen sailor I knew who used magnifying glasses on the end of a long stick, and they helped him see where the land was and other things,” he said seriously.
“It’s the same principle,” I said. I looked around me and could not believe that for the past two days, I had been fainting left and right like some gentle lady in a tight corset. I felt an urgent need to call my parents.
I took out my cell phone, turning it on with a sense of expectation and concern that something terrible may have happened in my absence, or that my lie had been found out and everyone knew that I was not at any Vipassana workshop and were wondering where I had disappeared to.
“It’s getting dark already, my lady,” said Jean, glancing through the branches out at the darkening sky. I looked up from the tiny screen that had begun to flash at my knight, who had crossed through worlds to make sure that I was okay, and I put the phone aside.
“Indeed it is,” I said gently, and an idea popped into my head. “Might I offer you to spend the night at my residence? Nobody will disturb us there, and you can return tomorrow morning.” Jean looked as though I had suggested to him that we fly to the moon. “Think about it,” I said, letting him digest the idea while I returned to the phone.
There were a few messages from my parents and one from Halimi. My father sent a message that I was unable to open, probably a video of Lily. He seemed unable to grasp that I no longer had a smartphone. There were several messages from my mother, with laconic reports on Lily’s mood, eating, and state of cleanliness (“We ate pea soup and Lily took a long bath. Now she’s asleep. Asked for something that I didn’t understand and eventually found her blankie herself.”). Halimi sent me three hearts.
I sighed with satisfaction. I had disappeared from my world for two days, and it continued to function as usual, without any drama. I turned back to Jean. In his colorful silk robes in the spreading gloom, he appeared like some precious gem.
“What do you say to my suggestion, my lord?” I asked, ready for any response. Jean smiled all over and stood up straight.
“After dragging you into the depths of my life, my lady, it seems only fair to follow you into yours,” he said. “I will not deny a mix of intense curiosity and petrifying fear. I shall come with you.” I picked up my cloth bag, and we began to walk to my car.
Jean was not as physically shaken as he had been the previous time that he passed through the spring. Indeed, he looked in every direction and held my hand very tightly, but his steps were certain. When we got to the car, he stopped and stared at me opening the door, jumped at the light that turned on automatically, and then peered inside through the driver’s seat.
“This is the beastless carriage?” he asked, his eyes scanning the rather worn and tattered interior of the car hungrily. “This is so similar to the dream I had just last night, only the carriage was green on the outside.”
“Exactly,” I said. “You get in on the other side.”
“I fear that I do not know how,” said Jean, mortified at being so helpless.
I led him to the door on the passenger side and showed him how to open it with the handle. Jean wanted to try it himself, so we spent a few satisfying minutes opening the door and slamming it. Finally, he got in and sat down. He closed the door from the inside and was charmed by the strength of the slam. I buckled my seatbelt and, so as not to waste time, I buckled his too. This was very erotic, of course, to stretch across him to pull the strap, but I continued matter-of-factly and started the car.Now that we’ve come this far, I said to myself,we might as well get into a soft bed instead of making out like teenagers over the hand brake.
Hearing the rumble of the engine, Jean grabbed my thigh forcefully.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “We’ll get going at once, everything is all right.” He nodded. I turned on the headlights, and he whistled with appreciation. When I went in reverse, he blanched. He made it through the short, five-minute drive with gritted teeth, looking out the window with one hand placed over his heart. I was afraid he would throw up.
I stopped the car beside the house and very much hoped that none of my neighbors would pass by and ask nosy questions, but luck was on our side. When I had turned the key in the engine, I recalled again the feeling that I had when I went off on that mushroom trip with Halimi a little more than a month earlier. This time, I felt that I had finally returned, for real.
I had never felt such great relief in my life to return home—like someone swept out to the depths of sea on a rotting log for days with no hope of rescue until suddenly, land appeared on the horizon. The feeling of relief was so great that I had to run and pee. I told Jean to go inside and make himself at home while I slipped into the bathroom. The last time I had peed was in a pot in a tiny cabin in the ship of the master of the Knights Templar. It’s amazing that I did not wet myself after the shocking experience with the statue at the church. It already seemed hard to believe that all this had really happened. I quickly flushed the toilet and went out to Jean. The house was quiet, and my heart began to pound.
Jean was walking between the rooms, staring wide-eyed at pictures, and when we went into the kitchen, he carefully picked up one item after another, examining each one. I opened the fridge, and he marveled. I heated a few pieces of bread in the toaster, and he was ecstatic. I boiled water in the electric kettle, and he almost lost his mind.
