When I finally finish, my throat raw and eyes burning, I look up to meet his gaze. He’s watching me with one of those unreadable expressions, and for a moment, I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake. I’d hoped confessing would mean he’d give me another chance, he’d help me instead of sending me away, but it occurs to me that I may have done too much, crossed too many lines, and my timehere might come to an end before my third trial even begins.
But after a moment, Sol sighs and pulls me into a hug. I sag against him, relieved, when he says, “Thank you for telling me, Iris.”
“Am I in trouble?” I ask.
“Of course not,” he says. “I’m disappointed in you. I don’t think that’s surprising. But you did the right thing now, coming to me. We’ll work through it. We’ll get you back on the right path. I’m here for you, sweetheart.”
I let out a shaky breath and nod. His old flannel is soft against my wet cheek. “I’m sorry,” I say again.
“I know you are.” He pats my back before releasing the hug. “Give me some time to think about how we can work through this. It’ll probably play into your final trial. But youwillbe okay, Iris. As long as you trust me from now on—and don’t lie to me again—you’ll be okay.”
I want to believe him.
More than anything, I want to believe him.
It’s nearly dawn already, and I’m not prepared to look at Rose again just yet. So I don’t bother going back upstairs. Instead, I go to the kitchen and start making breakfast for everyone. I notice we’re running low on groceries again.
Solstays in his room most of the day while the rest of us scatter to do our chores. For once, I’m relieved to find I’m not paired with Rose. Instead, I end up with Lily in the garden.
“All right, I think that’s pretty good,” she says, leaning on her rake as she looks down at the garden that we’ve just been spreading fertilizer over. She wipes sweat from her brow before turning and smiling at me. “Thank you for the help.”
“Of course,” I say.
Raking in the fertilizer isn’t exactly my favorite task. The stench hangs in the air and clings to my skin.
“How is it already spring again?” she says, propping the rake against the side of the shed but notably not taking it back inside where it belongs.
“I know. Still can’t believe I’ve been here over a year.”
She gives one of her warmest smiles. “You belong here,” she says. “I knew it from the time I met you, and Sol knew it, too. You’re one of us.” She hesitates before asking, “How are the trials going, hon?”
I shrug and barely meet her eyes when I give my less-than-committal answer. “They’re … going, I guess. I’m not supposed to talk about them.”
“I know,” she says. “I ain’t gonna push you to. I just wanna besure you’re doing all right. That you’re not …” She trails off, biting her bottom lip.
“What?” I ask.
“That you’re not letting Rose distract you.”
I tense, hazily wondering in my sleep-deprived mind if Sol told her everything. If she knows that Rose and I kissed or how many lines I’ve crossed because of my feelings for her.
But Lily is still talking. “I don’t know what Sol has you doing, but I know you gotta be close to the end now, and I don’t want you getting sidetracked.”
“I’m not sidetracked.”
“Good,” she says, and she sounds genuinely relieved. “I’d hate for you to lose your way or fail. Selfishly, I can’t … I just can’t handle watching that again.”
“Watching what again?”
But even as I ask, I know the answer. At least, part of it.
Marigold.
Lily looks away, takes a shaky breath, and then meets my gaze again. “There’s only been one person to not complete her trials. We don’t talk about her because it’s too painful for us—well, mostly me and Sol—to think about.”
That sentiment rings hollow to me, though. She says she avoidsthe subject because it hurts, but I feel like a dam is breaking. Like she’s been desperate to speak about Marigold, years of thoughts gathering behind sealed lips. A little more pressure, a little encouragement, and that dam might break.
So I push.
